Gong Show

22 01 2014

Wow what a cluster fuck.  I bought my ticket online, no problem.  Ended up packing way late because work was nuts, then a series of unfortunate events (that really just boils down to me leaving too late) made me miss my flight.   The thing is if any one or two events didn’t happen I probably would have made it.  The guy to get Angela’s elliptical calls as I’m supposed to be leaving, my fault I should have just ignored it.  Sent rob thinking it would be ok, I lost so many things throughout the day and was constantly searching for, my camera, my make up, my soap etc. 

Finally it was like fuckin hell we have to go, so we go grab our cab and off we go.. and the cab driver is like hey sorry I need to grab gas.  Ishould have said no got out and got another cab, he goes a stupid way and that ends up taking 5 minutes it didn’t need to take.  Then there was random bad busy traffic in a couple of spots for no damn reason.  

(side note, this dude is pacing and yacking on the phone, when he was speaking French I just wanted to kick him because he was being such a dick… then he makes another call. First call was to his wife or secretary.. someone who he drastically lacks respect for.  Second call is girlfriend, or friend he wants to be banging.  First call is in French second is in English.  And it’s the English call that really gets under my skin.. he sounds like SUCH a sleaze and he’s not even saying anything interesting.  I literally just hate his accent) 

Anyway back to my story, so we’re on the way traffic clears up and I’m like pedal to the metal buddy, but he’s worries about speeding tickets. I’ll pay just go! Ugh nope put put put.. I get to the airport about 10 minutes too late but I sprint in .. you know just in case.  No luck, they’ve all fucked off and no one is in a helping mood.  Finally I get ahold of someone in shanghai and they said don’t worry you can just change your flight to tomorrow. I’m like don’t mess with me, he swears it’s no big deal I can just change the flight, he just can’t do it because he’s not in Taipei.  Only the Taipei office or my travel agent can do it.

So I call expedia, have to install skype on my phone because (long story I hate skype) I don’t want to pay to call a 1-888 number.  I talk to them 3 times, and the system keeps hanging up on me so I’m there in tears hating the world.  I finally get someone one, and I give her my number telling her to call me if the call drops.  We check a bunch of stuff and finally figure it all out she’s just about the change the booking… call fucking drops.  I wait a bit I try to call back I can’t get through at all now.  So I go home, I figure fuck it, I’ll call the airline in the morning.  I take the bus back, get home all dejected, go out for some sushi. 

In the morning, I get up and am immediately bowled over with a barrage of questions about some wine, will tell about the wine fiasco in another post.  So I’m trying to deal with that and I’m calling the airline.  The airline tells me, sorry we can’t rebook the ticket because it’s ½ operated by Air France, but don’t worry your agent can do it.  Oooookay.  So I call expedia, spend 2 hours on the phone with this guy who insists the flight I want doesn’t exist in his computer which blows my mind I’m fucking looking at it.  But whatever.  So he’s like how about this, this this this.. finally we agree on a suggestion.  HE goes to book it.. and then he’s like hmm there is a problem the airline is blocking me from making this change.  So now I’m on hold and he’s calling the fucking Taipei office of the airline… eyeroll.  After a while he comes back and he’s like, I can’t do it.  They won’t let me, you have to call them yourself and they will either rebook you or give you your money back and you can rebook, and he advises me to stand my ground and insist they fix the ticket so I don’t get screwed.  I’m fine with paying a fee or a fine.. but how complicated can this get???

So I call  the Taipei office and they are like well we.. and I totally got mad (politely) and was like listen, I’ve been on the phone for hours.  To people in three different countries, the guy in Shanghai YOUR main office said it wasn’t a problem… HELP me.  Arg.  She’s like ok, hang on.  Puts me on hold, comes back and is like it’s all ok.  Give me your email I send you the confirmation.  Um… what?

And she does just emails me, all the changes are made, but in a way so it looks like there was no change… the dates even say my original purchase date and price… no fee, no fine… nothing.  I’m completely gob smacked.  To be honest I was kind afraid it was all a trick.

Then I figure hey lemmi go get some stuff done I didn’t have time for yesterday, found my make up bag, got some medicine, was too lazy to repack, but did leave money for ed to take the cat to the vet and got a much needed haircut.  I’m at home just kinda killing time, updating money stuff and watching tv and think heck lemmi go to the airport.  So I call the taxi and THE FUCK they are high on shrooms I swear I ranted about it on fb… basically they were being COMPLETE morons and pissing me right off.  They finally gave me a cab though and off I went… THE FUCK TRAFFIC in the same spot for the same nonexistent reason!!! But I arrived at the airport with plenty of time.

I check in and the girl is like, ok your continuing flight is tomorrow so I can’t issue your boarding pass.. um.. it’s LITERALLY  5 minutes into tomorrow (1205am) stupid but shrug.  Then she’s like so you need to go to immigration get your bags, and re check in.  um.. ok.  You know I don’t have a visa for china… that isn’t a problem is it.  Great she thinks it is.  SIGH.  After much conferring and checking of rules they decide I’ll be fine I just have to show them my ongoing flight information.  You know that paper that I never print because you NEVER need it?  Yeah that one.  UGH.  So they print it for me and off I go.  I (foolishly) think ok this has been a little nuts but I’m in the clear now. Wrong.  I go through security, drink my water… get to immigration and being all cool I use the e-gate (which is usually awesome) you have to register (I did a few trips ago) and then you just put your id on the screen it scans it lets you into a little glass chamber and takes a photo (face recognision software) and it’s like NO MATCH NO MATCH.. hmm it tries again, no dice and now it’s made at me…. So it asks for my finger print (also in the system from the registration) and NO NO NO NO.. it’s freaking out.  Now I’m trapped and it refuses to let me pass or excape.  I have no idea what to do.  Turns out I picked a broken fucking gate… dude put up a sign!! The immigration dude is pissing himself laughing at me as he manually opens the gate and lets me out (back in) and says just use a different gate.. BLARG  I got through that one no damn problem. 

But there couldn’t possibly be more… oh there is.  Somehow I completely fail at the basics of travel and go COMPLETELY to the end of the fucking line in the WRONG SONOFABITCH DIRECTION… I realize my fuck up basically 10 minutes from take off and have to take a dead run in the other direction… I get there and they are like.. the fuck.  Yeah I’m a retard. Face palm.

I finally got on the plane, and arrived in Shanghai.  All has been fine here actually except I hate it here.  I hate how rude everyone is… and nasty.  Like the people SCREEECHING at the security officer as I was trying enter the immigration area.. why were they mad? Because their gate was at the other end of the airport and they wanted dude to magically fix it.. um.. you’re crazy can I go in now?  And China sucks ass balls and blocks like everything and has like 1980’s dial up speeds for the internet… ugh

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2 responses

1 02 2014
mom

you are so entertaining…lol

9 02 2014
Magdalicious

retarded, but entertaining

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