Taiwan and the New Boy (prt 2)

30 01 2012

Continuing from last time, He arrived.  It was a little nerve wracking, but also exciting and cool.   I wish I could give you a more blow by blow of the following weeks and months, but honestly the details are all a little blurry to me.

I can tell you that he’s a really nice guy, like freakishly so, but not without his fault.  He gets a little bossy sometimes, which caused a bit of conflict.  But honestly, most of our issues and conflicts stemmed … actually I guess it’s stem, from communication problems.  Either we’d misunderstand something language wise, or it would just be one of those difference communication styles that sometimes clash.  But usually after a little tiff, snippiness or irritation, we’d walk away and then come back later and both be all apologies and sorrys.

Actually something I totally recall thinking at one point, was that I wasn’t all gooey and doe eyed.  That at no point did I think everything is perfect and yay I adore you.  And I couldn’t decide if it was due to my being older and not lame and doe eyed.. or is it because everything is deeply flawed so much that it pierces the beginning of a relationship glow?  I worried about that idly in the back of my mind for a while, but I decided that it was more because of being a grown up.  It’s more that I have my eyes more open than I have in the past, or at least that’s what seems to be true as time goes on.

Anyway, sometime before the end of the second month, I was sure that I really enjoyed spending time with him but I was equally certain that I wasn’t sure enough about our relationship to be in anyway ready to give up and leave my life behind.  Not yet anyway, a couple of months together just wasn’t enough for me to give up 10 years of my life, know what I mean?   I wanted, needed more time.   But what to do?

I had originally thought about running away and going traveling after Chinese new year, but then I realized that it wasn’t very fiscally responsible.  I mean I had borrowed some money to pay off the balance of my Credit card and paying a set amount of interest.  And by Chinese New Year I would have saved more than enough money to pay off all of my debt, debt free.  Not something that I was really expecting to see this side of 40.

But now there is this great guy who dropped everything to try to see where things could go with us.  I want to know too, so I thought about taking a semester off of work.   Good idea, bad? Was the timing right, I hemmed and hawed.  I mean I was about to be debt free, and if I went to Europe now that would mean going straight back into debt.  But then again looking for work in the summer, is much better than any other time… and I can’t be certain that I will have a job when I get back.  EEK

…..  To be continued.   😉





Daddy Issues

3 09 2011

Sometime I make jokes about having daddy issues but all the wrong kind.  Well at least the wrong kind to make me be the kind of girl that makes guys swoon over the daddy issue.  Mine don’t push me to be a stripper or hooker or any of the other silly things that other people seem to think that having daddy issues get you.

Having had some time to think about it.. everyone has daddy issues in one way or another.  It’s just  a fact of life.

Mine are of a slightly different flavour, and recently I had an interesting thought or observation on the same topic.  So what’s my deal?  Well I’m sorta daddy free, I grew up without him in my life and I didn’t meet him until I was an adult.  To be honest I don’t think I was missing much, I am not very fond of him and because I didn’t grow up with him I don’t have the tolerance for his garbage.  It’s a lot different when you have history with someone, you’re much more likely to put up with them and their crap or craziness.  But if you just meet them one day and they annoy the hell out of you and have all these expectations on you… well why  would you stick around?

This is not to say I didn’t grow up with strong male figures in my life, I wasn’t actually raised in a single parent home… more like a three or more parent home.  My mom and I lived with my aunt and uncle for more than a year when I was little, my mom’s brother (other uncle) was in and out of the picture  around then too.   Then my mom moved to Smithers with her parents, so for most of my life I grew up with three parents, my mom, grandma and grandpa…  The Aunt and Uncle I lived with came out every year… my other uncle lived with us all on and off for years.

So I basically had two moms and like 2-3 dads.  Or three halfs.. which still adds up to more than one :D.  Score!  Anyway, clearly this all adds up to daddy issues of a sort.  What it really means in the grand scheme of things I have no idea.. but it brought up an interesting question for me.

Have you ever noticed that most people tend to date versions of their parents?  Not in a creepy sense, but just aspects of their relative’s personalities.  Honestly reflect on your dating persp Read the rest of this entry »





Love Eternal

5 12 2010

I believe it.  If you love someone and fall out of love.. then I don’t think you really loved them.   That said I do think it’s entirely possible for you or the other person to change so much that you may love them but the previous version of them.. or something like that.  Love is forever end of story.

I thought I was in love with.. him him him and him and even him… but I wasn’t.  The relationship ended and I saw it for it was, lust, boredom, entrainment, comfort.  I loved what I wanted them to be.  I loved the idea.  But I didn’t love them.  Love can change but it doesn’t just dispear.

I have been in love with two people, and I will love them forever, the intensity or pattern might change.  It may no longer be applicable or relevant in my current life… but they will always hold a part of my soul.  I will always love them.

People who talk about true love, need to be given a good wack to the head.  What other kind is there?  Love is love.  If you went about talking about ‘true rocks’ or true water, or true sun… you’d get locked up in the loony bin.  You may even grow to hate someone you love, you may resent them.. but you will always love them.  And if you don’t if you find yourself genuinely not caring one day.  Then how can you say you ever loved them?

That is what I believe.  Agree or don’t, it makes no difference to me.  I know it’s true in my reality.  And I prefer mine to a reality where love just disappears… that doesn’t make any sense to me, why would you even want it to?