Possibly Ugly Topic

You’ve been warned… so don’t crawl up my ass if you don’t like what I’ve written.

So what follows is a perfect example of how and why people can sometimes interpret my actions, words and ideas as cold.  So let me explain.  I’m very sensitive, and if I let it all in then I would be a train wreck all the time.  So as a survival technique I’m forced to use logic to pick and choose.  Anything that I can separate myself from emotionally before the feeling seep in, I do.  I hold them at arm’s length, inspect them and puzzle over them if they are ‘interesting’.

So things happen, planes crash, wars, the twin towers in New York… and I feel nothing.  I choose to feel nothing because it’s feel it all like a big squishy ball of goo or nadda.  Why in god’s name would I sit about personalizing and tearing myself apart emotionally over something that doesn’t directly affect me?  That isn’t really part of my immediate ‘world’.  Doesn’t make any sense to me, so while I’m still able to, I separate myself from any and all emotional tragedy related to the event.

There is war… and I don’t cry.  Millions are killed in a bombing, and I think.. hmm isn’t that sad.  Sad for the people directly affected by this event.  The twin towers came down, a train in Europe is blown up, a bus goes off a cliff, a tsunami, earthquake or typhoon hits and I observe the news with a kind of detached curiosity.  And that curiosity is what gets me in the end…. I can’t just shake my head look sad a pretend to be heartbroken along with everyone else.  I’m not.  I didn’t know them, we weren’t close….  I try to explain and nothing I say seems right.  The look on their faces are of disdain and anger.

How can you be so cold?  This affects us all, people are dying.

You’re all a bunch of hypocrites… people die every day.. I don’t see you sobbing your eyes out over some random homeless man in Siberia kicking the bucket.  What because you didn’t know about it?  Bull shit.  You’re not sad because you didn’t know him, or anyone else who knew him.  You might care if someone showed you pictures and told you his whole life story… and you know why that is?  Because that connects you, makes his life and hardships personal to you.  Voila… now it affects you and your emotions.

I can’t even begin to tell you how much flack I received over my lack of re