Dear Canada, Bite Me!

7 07 2009

Dear Canada,

I know you have been saddened by my absence and that many things have changed while I have been away.  And while I’m sure there are many lovely things I have not had a chance to note or appreciate yet, I have a few complaints.

You realize the size of the cars your residents drive is retarded, right?  Especially as 90% of the time people are pootling about alone or with one person.  Why, then have you not made some nice cheap little 2 seaters that are fuel efficient?  I’m not even going to pretend this has anything to do with the environment (although I suppose it should), it’s just ridiculous!  Everything is so far away you usual must have some form of transport and it’s killa cold in the winter, I can think of 20 solutions off the top of my head.. come come now.  This isn’t the end of the world but it’s more than a little silly.

Let’s discuss the circle of fun that you put me through, shall we?  Let’s see my wallet was stolen/lost about 1 1/2 years ago in Taiwan, now obviously replacing my Canadian Cards wasn’t happening until I made it here.  Now stupid me, did I realize that I should bring my birth certificate  home with me? No, my fault I’m aware, but when the hell did the nation fall into a state of FREAKING panic.  Everyone was like.. but how do I know you are you?  Do you see this Passport????? Issued by our government???? Accepted BY EVERY OTHER COUNTRY IN THE WORLD AS DEFINITIVE ID??? DO YOU SEE IT!!!! As I smack you in the god damnity damn head with it?

Costco: can you replace my member card?  Do you have your Drivers license?  Die.

So, clearly all problems are solved with this magical drivers licence, yes?

I went to replace my card, and I have to pay a fee, ok, and oh wait.. can you prove who you are? What do you mean my passport isn’t primary ID???? REALLY?  Ok so my ONLY choice in this awesome situation is to Read the rest of this entry »