Daddy Issues

Sometime I make jokes about having daddy issues but all the wrong kind.  Well at least the wrong kind to make me be the kind of girl that makes guys swoon over the daddy issue.  Mine don’t push me to be a stripper or hooker or any of the other silly things that other people seem to think that having daddy issues get you.

Having had some time to think about it.. everyone has daddy issues in one way or another.  It’s just  a fact of life.

Mine are of a slightly different flavour, and recently I had an interesting thought or observation on the same topic.  So what’s my deal?  Well I’m sorta daddy free, I grew up without him in my life and I didn’t meet him until I was an adult.  To be honest I don’t think I was missing much, I am not very fond of him and because I didn’t grow up with him I don’t have the tolerance for his garbage.  It’s a lot different when you have history with someone, you’re much more likely to put up with them and their crap or craziness.  But if you just meet them one day and they annoy the hell out of you and have all these expectations on you… well why  would you stick around?

This is not to say I didn’t grow up with strong male figures in my life, I wasn’t actually raised in a single parent home… more like a three or more parent home.  My mom and I lived with my aunt and uncle for more than a year when I was little, my mom’s brother (other uncle) was in and out of the picture  around then too.   Then my mom moved to Smithers with her parents, so for most of my life I grew up with three parents, my mom, grandma and grandpa…  The Aunt and Uncle I lived with came out every year… my other uncle lived with us all on and off for years.

So I basically had two moms and like 2-3 dads.  Or three halfs.. which still adds up to more than one :D.  Score!  Anyway, clearly this all adds up to daddy issues of a sort.  What it really means in the grand scheme of things I have no idea.. but it brought up an interesting question for me.

Have you ever noticed that most people tend to date versions of their parents?  Not in a creepy sense, but just aspects of their relative’s personalities.  Honestly reflect on your dating persp

Sex and Culture

An interesting thing came up the other day.  One of my friends said something about about how Chinese/Asian girls are crazy in bed.  As in they will do ANYTHING in the bed room, and have virtually no inhibitions.  Now we all got a little crossed on each other’s meanings as we were talking.

I made a comment, about how a lot of that is related to a culture difference.  But I misinterpreted what they were saying, I thought they meant they give it up easily and often, with no emotional factors.  I said that a lot of girls go along with what guys want here because they want the guys to love them.

It turned into a bit of a heated debate until we all clarified our positions.  Which once we had done that, it all made more sense and it actually brought up a really interesting point.  My point, which I still stand by, was that a lot of girls have sex with guys in the hopes of getting the guy to love them.  And are often hurt by the uncaring or casual sexual attitudes of western men.   I’m not just hypothesizing, I have several friends that have confided these feelings to me in the past.

When I clarrified my point, we all realized that we were talking about different things.  They clarified their point, which was that Asian’s have a totally different culture when it comes to bodily functions.  Which is totally true, we come from a puritanical background where our bodies and bodily functions are a big deal, private and dirty… naughty terrible.  Asian’s don’t, they shit, piss, fart, burp, and talk about it all with no reservations.  They are all open and chill about it.

So how does this translate to sex?  Well think about it, all the reservations, and issues that often can hinder a sexual experience are gone.  I mean virtually everyone I know who has had a sexual experience with someone older than them has said the same thing, that people in their thirties-forties are so much more comfortable with their bodies.  They know what they’ve got, what to do with it and have gotten over most of the Christian, puritanical hangups that westerners grow up with (regardless of your religious background, it’s part of our culture).

Well imagine if you didn’t need to get over that, you didn’t need to get over yourself and thinking bodies and parts are dirty wrong or icky?  You just had to have experiences and learn what to do with your bodies.  It would be quite different, it’s an interesting perspective and one that I haven’t ever considered before.

On the other hand, I find it saddening that many girls get the impression that westerns have a purely casual attitude toward sex.  And to have feelings or attachments is somewhat frowned upon.  So many girls I know have been hurt, or get no respect from the guys they hook up with, and then don’t understand because they base their perception of western sexual culture on what they see in movies.  And even worse are the guys who prey on the cultural differences, I have heard many guys telling their Asian girlfriends that it’s ok that they do this that or the other, because back in their country it’s normal.  Meanwhile I’m staring open mouthed at what they are trying to get away with.   Like it’s perfectly acceptable for them to be fondling this other girl in front of their girlfriend, and their girlfriend has no right to be upset.  This is a real situation that my friend came to me with in tears because she had tried, reasonably I might add, to tell her boyfriend that she wasn’t comfortable and he said she was being psyco and to chill out it was ok in Canada to have some random girl on his lap and to be touching and kissing her.  o.O Um.. no part of Canada that I’ve ever heard of….

Anyway I thought both things were interesting takes and perspectives on cultural differences that  come up in life here.

Love Eternal

I believe it.  If you love someone and fall out of love.. then I don’t think you really loved them.   That said I do think it’s entirely possible for you or the other person to change so much that you may love them but the previous version of them.. or something like that.  Love is forever end of story.

I thought I was in love with.. him him him and him and even him… but I wasn’t.  The relationship ended and I saw it for it was, lust, boredom, entrainment, comfort.  I loved what I wanted them to be.  I loved the idea.  But I didn’t love them.  Love can change but it doesn’t just dispear.

I have been in love with two people, and I will love them forever, the intensity or pattern might change.  It may no longer be applicable or relevant in my current life… but they will always hold a part of my soul.  I will always love them.

People who talk about true love, need to be given a good wack to the head.  What other kind is there?  Love is love.  If you went about talking about ‘true rocks’ or true water, or true sun… you’d get locked up in the loony bin.  You may even grow to hate someone you love, you may resent them.. but you will always love them.  And if you don’t if you find yourself genuinely not caring one day.  Then how can you say you ever loved them?

That is what I believe.  Agree or don’t, it makes no difference to me.  I know it’s true in my reality.  And I prefer mine to a reality where love just disappears… that doesn’t make any sense to me, why would you even want it to?

The Law of Attraction

What’s the deal with attraction?  What makes it happen or not?  Are there any general rules, secrets or tricks?  Do you know, does anyone?

How about on a smaller scale?  Do you know what fuels your own attractions?  We all have a few obvious ones, turn ons, turn offs but there is more to it than that.  I mean yeah I’m attracted to a physical type right off the bat, around 6 feet tall, rather specific shoulder width but that is not to say that I can’t or don’t branch out side of that.

We’ve all had it happen.  You meet someone you’re attracted to them, there even appears to be a spark but when you pursue what you think is a potential match you discover you read it all wrong.  And it  sucks.  You’re a great friend but I’m just not interested in you or attracted to you, it’s a HUGE blow to the ego.  Makes you contemplate what’s wrong with you, what is that makes you so unappealing.. and so on.  Que self bashing.

The flip side, someone is into you, and for all intensive purposes they are great, but you’re just not interested.  You don’t find them attractive, but you don’t want to lose the friendship… sticky situation.  Perhaps they are just too interested in you, and while it seems like that would be flattering and an ego boosting it really isn’t.  It’s frustrating, and it kinda sucks.

So how the hell does anyone ever get together?  I mean is it cosmic, do the sun moon and stars have to be lined up just right to make it work?

It’s not even as simple as I’ve just summarized right here.  Come on think about it, how many times have experienced this.  Instant attractions a connect, chemistry, of course we’ve all had that at some time or another.  How about you met someone one who was attractive but you just didn’t think about them that way, at least not at first.  Now factor in “I’m attracted to him/her” vs “I’m not attracted to him/her”.

Now throw this into the mix, not being attracted to some one doesn’t mean you find them unattractive.  It could just mean you have no real feelings either way, if you’re living in this zone you can probably be swayed.  But what if you flat out find them unattractive?   People meet and end up with people they ‘never would have thought’ all the time.  Heck, look at Charolate on Sex in the city, she married the short bald dude who she initially thought no way about.

So how about you? Could you date someone you were on the fence about, someone who you weren’t attracted to per-say?   How about someone you found unattractive, no matter how wonderful of a person they are?    I suspect this makes me a terrible person, but for me the answers are sure I’d be willing to give them a chance, followed by a resounding no.  Does it make me a horrible shallow person?  Probably, but there isn’t much I can do about that.  It’s not to say he has to be a super model, I just have to find him attractive, am I really asking too much?