2016… we’re almost there!

2016

For Chinese New Year, I flew to the USA to see Casey and see his family and friends. I met his brother and sister in law for the first time, they were really cool and even though I was very nervous about meeting them I had a great time. Due to our complicated past, I was really stressed about meeting and getting to know Casey’s family. I got to know his mom better and meet his grandma, who is real treat by the way. Casey and I got engaged and traveled around for a few weeks between Minneapolis, Iowa, and Milwaukee.

I was given and signed a new contract for the next year at my school, and a month later was again offered a job at the other school. I feel bad always saying no, but I’ve already signed and made a commitment plus… it feels pretty nice to be wanted. If things don’t work at the private school then I have something great to fall back on.

Casey had a manic episode and ended up in the hospital, that was really challenging and stressful. Especially while working fulltime and doing my masters. I had a class at that time and almost dropped out of school to go to the states. In the end, it was ok, but it was a really tough time.

Another summer of travel, back to work in August. There was some unfortunate and uncomfortable work drama but I tried to stay out of it.  Casey moved to Taiwan, but was still working for Mary which meant she kept pulling him back to the US, he went back for Christmas which I was surprisingly disappointed by it. I moped about and told him he’s not to abandon me again :P.

… to be continued.

The years keep Marching on 2015

2015

This was a big year of changes. Regis and I spent a few weeks ignoring each other, avoiding the inevitable but finally in January decided to officially break up. We decided to not announce it but tell people as we talked to or ran into them. This was easier I think but lead to some funny conversations next year.  I decided to bring mom to Taiwan to help kick her depression and to enroll in the master’s degree at Framingham that held classes in Taipei. While I was still thinking about leaving teaching, the thing is a masters degree just looks good, you know?

Mom came out, I started my first class during Chinese New Year, I was super nervous because it had been out of school for more than a minute and I hadn’t done that well the first time around. School was great, I realized I do know a thing or two about education and teaching. TESOL was really a great class for me to start with, I mean come on, what have I been doing for the last 14 years???

Casey got back in touch, and went to great lengths to try to get me back. A lot of talking, and he wrote me a handwritten letter every day for several months. The general tone was, I love you, I want you to be happy, I think I can make you happy, let me try. There was a lot more to it, but ultimately how do you keep saying no to that?  I finally agreed to him coming out to see what might be there, and we got back together… Jesus here I am in another damn long-distance relationship.

I have to say he was smart about it though, we made sure someone went somewhere every 3 months or so, and that we just combined and split all the travel costs regardless of who traveled where. Which really addressed the frustration that comes from one person doing more of the traveling or shouldering the lion’s share of the expenses because that breeds resentment.

I completed the first three of my classes and made a good impression on my classmates, so much so that they recommended me to their employers. I had an amazing interview at a school and thought that was going to be my new job but it fell through at the last minute. The same day I got “the strange” you maybe aren’t getting a job here email, I also got an email offering me an interview at a fancy private school that I didn’t really think I would get an interview at. I rocked my interview and they offered me the job, Hizzah I started in August.

Went home that summer to see family and Casey, then to work in August. Before my job had even really started, the school who I’d not been able to take the job because of flight timing the previous year emailed to offer me a job, but my master’s classes interfered plus I was excited about teaching science to lower elementary school, really fun. University trucked along, work was challenging but good. The year carried on like this.

…. to be continued

Some updates:AKA Magda has been garbage at blogging.

I was looking at my blog and it’s been legit years… since I’ve properly used this thing. I have lots to say, so why am I not saying it? Well, I’m busy, I work far more than I used to, plus I was doing my masters, and I have a cornucopia of excuses :P.

Anyway, I thought a good way to try to get back into it was to try to update Y’all on the past few years … I tend to be cagey on facebook bc it’s bum. So here is the first installment.

2014

I quit my job at Chingshin, actually I wanted to transfer to a different department but that didn’t work out and then my boss used that as a way to squeeze me out. Which annoyed me because I actually wanted to leave but my co-teacher had convinced me to stay for her and the kids. They dragged the whole thing out for a long time, I tried to get a different job but my tickets were already purchased based on my start date at the end of August.  I had a lot of trouble finding something I wanted. I was offered something at this school I’ve been dying to work with, but they needed me a week earlier and I couldn’t make it work.

I ended up taking a job at a kindi that had tried to hire/poach me from Chingshin before, the devil you know. In some ways it was great, my boss was lovely and really appreciated me, which was lovely. But it had a really strict curriculum and there was no room for variation based on one’s own experience and knowledge. There was a supervisor who was a huge pain in the butt, no experience, no teaching knowledge.. guh. And the guys there, my god talk about white male egos… they were shocking in their horribleness to work with. They felt they were the best thing to hit teaching, and I’m not saying they are bad at what they do.. but they were such raging assholes they created the most hostile work environment I could imagine.

My mom had been laid off from her job the previous year and she was struggling with what to do, her words “No one wants to hire a 60+ year old with no education to speak of”. Really got me thinking, you know I don’t have that much going for me education-wise, basically, everyone has a bachelor’s these days… and all my resume really talks about is teaching, mostly in these after school joints.  Jesus, what if I go home? At the kindi I was getting really depressed and tired of the job’s I’ve had. Maybe I was burned out and done with teaching.

I had known about this master’s degree for a year or more, but I’d never really looked into it much. I always think of it, no matter how bad Chingshin was, it was still a decent job so I wasn’t looking for improvement. But as a friend told me, nothing with push you to improve yourself like a terrible job. And how true it was, I was really unhappy where I was and needed to make changes. Things weren’t going well with Regis, he had broken his neck in an epically stupid stunt with his drunk friends, he ended up healing and being ok… but it was a strain on us.

Rolling up on the end of the year, I was depressed, my mom was super depressed, My relationship was clearly ending, I was burned out and was weighing my options. I was seriously considering moving back to Canada.. but when, how, do what?

…. to be continued

The Kidney Conundrum

A couple of months ago, I started going to this Chinese Doctor.  My wrist hurt, and I wanted acupuncture, but also I’ve been struggling with my weight for a couple of years.  Thought, screw it, can’t hurt right?  I mean I’ve been super frustrated, I’ve exercised, I’ve eaten well, and nothing, plus I’ve had this annoying feet swelling, leg cramps, and a lot of general aches etc.

While I’m at the doctor, he says that my kidneys are not working properly and that why I can’t lose weight, and that my main problem is water retention.  I’m like, sure, sure.  Whatever, I take my medicine and life goes on.  Well after 3 or 4 weeks of seeing the Chinese doctor, and every time he mentions my reduced kidney function, I think.. hu.  I wonder if he’s full of shit?  I mean how could your kidneys keep you from losing weight?  So I go online, and I find these lists about symptoms of kidney disease and failure.

(✓)puffy eyes, hands, and feet (called edema)

(✓)high blood pressure

(✓)fatigue

(✓)shortness of breath

(X)loss of appetite (I wish)

(✓/X)nausea and vomiting (dunno, don’t think so)

(✓)thirst

(✓)a bad taste in the mouth or bad breath (off and on)

(X)weight loss (I never get the good symptoms!!!)

(✓)(✓)generalized, persistent itchy skin

muscle twitching or cramping

(✓/X)a yellowish-brown tint to the skin (hard to say… my skin tone doesn’t really help)

(✓/X)urine that is cloudy or tea-coloured (sometimes)

Holy shit…. SERIOUSLY?  That’s way too many solid yeses…  What the fuck.  Is there something wrong with my kidneys?  I just chalked the fatigue and the aches, cramps, swelling … pretty much all of that stuff to getting older.  I mean, Some of you may even remember my commenting in the past year or so, that does everyone get achey young but just doesn’t complain about it until they are a lot older?  Turns out, from the sort of horrified response of a couple of colleagues and friends when we got into this (as in beyond my vague comments, and details of my issues),That  no.. in fact it’s not normal.  I’m not nearly old enough for all of this to be chalked up to getting older.  I didn’t know, I just figured it was normal, sucks but buck up.

I figure I should probably go to the hospital and have it checked out or something but I had a class coming up, I was super busy.. meh I’d get to it later.  Well the two friends I had talked about it to, flipped out.  AREYOU INSANE you don’t fuck with kidneys, damage is permanent, they don’t heal, if they get fucked up your fucked… so I do more research and get really scared.  All the web stuff uses scary words, like disease and failure and death.. um.  But let’s be honest, I hate doctors, and hospitals and the only thing that was going to get me to go short of being dragged was fear of death.  I finally broke down and made an appointment for the Nephrologist (yeah that’s not a scary sounding specialty) at the hospital near my house a couple of weeks back, and took the morning off work.

I thought to myself..  do I tell people or no?  I thought about telling my sisters, and mom.. but the morning I was going for tests there was that wedding Crisis (you may or maynot have heard about it, in the end everything was ok).  Then I posted that thing on fb asking people about their opinions on sharing vs not, I was genuinely curious what people thought about it.  I had been thinking about the subject long before any of this came up, and then I thought hey lol lemmi posts this and the people who want to know will make themselves apparent. <- ha litmus test

It was really genuinely interested in thinking about and hearing all the different perspectives, and honestly, I , personally, still prefer people tell me.  I don’t get stressed out and scared about that stuff for other people so it’s not a burden to me, and I know for me I freak out in my own head so I’m all about spreading it around a little and self counseling so I can handle my own omigod.  But then I don’t want to be burdening others… shit’s complicated.  Anyway I did my best to help with the wedding crisis, and went in to see the doctor.

I head in, and wait.. they tell me it’s going to be ages till my number comes up, and I can go home and come back in a couple of hours.  Sweet, I can work on my homework for class!

I get back and it’s like ha no, nowhere near your number.  Fuck.  Ok, good thing I brought my laptop, so I sit on the floor and wait.  I’m getting worried I’m even going to get in, I have to get back to work for the afternoon and It’s still ages till my number, I ask the nurse and she says they will see everyone but it might go into the afternoon.  Crap, Ok well I might just have to call in, not coming, to work.  Then, not even, 10 minutes later the nurse grabs me and says, come now.  Hu? Ok, cool, I figure she just talked to the doctor and they are trying to do me a solid, I sit down and he tells the nurse I’m his daughter’s favourite teacher and he says to me.  OH my god, how long have you been waiting out there?? Why didn’t you tell me that you were coming?  I would have brought you in much earlier.  I’m super confused, because he’s wearing a mask and lab coat, he looks like.. well a doctor.  He takes off his mask and says ‘I’m Peggy’s Dad’.  My Jaw hits the floor!.  One of my kids from last year, I actually knew her dad relatively well, I even knew he was a doctor I just didn’t know what specialty or where.  What are the odds that one of my favourite student’s dad would be the random doctor out of 4 that I picked.  Wild.

Anyway I tell him the whole story, the Chinese doctor, the internet stuff, the symptoms, everything.  And I’m kinda freaked out, but trying to stay chill.  They took my blood pressure, and it was through the roof (stress).  While I’m talking, he’s typing the symptoms, and looking at the screen he begins to talk, and he says ‘”yup, well that sounds like some kind of kidney failure so we’ll order some tests… oh my god no no don’t cry, sorry, sorry it’s mild it’s certainly mild it’s ok!”  Because I’ve started to weep, I’ve got dialysis machines and kidney transplants swimming through my mind.  I calm down a little and explain that I’m just really scared, because these symptoms have been going on for well over a year closer to two maybe even three, and everything says you need to catch this early.. or there will be irreversible damage.

Well it turns out, that ‘early’ is in the many years category.. like 2 years IS catching it early, it’s more like don’t let it go one for 10 years.  Oh.  and by the by, FUCK YOU internet, like that wouldn’t have been a good thing to include in your scare mongering?  He orders tests and sets up an appointment the next week for the results.  I go back the next morning to give the urine and blood sample, and that was an unexpected gong show, but I got it done, and made it to work.  I honestly felt a lot better, shit was being handled and one way or another I’d have some answers and a plan of action. Plus I was pretty enthused by the idea that the exhaustion and other issues had a name and a cause.

A week later, I went back for the results.  And mostly yay.  Let’s be honest here I didn’t want it to be BAD, but I did want there to be something.  Because if it’s nothing then why the fuck do I have all these other problems??  I had checked my blood pressure a few times in the week and it was fine and on that day it was totally fine, so I was right I was just ouber stressed that first day (you know I always kinda thought that “you’re stressing me out and raising my blood pressure” Thing was just something people say.. hu turns out no, it’s a real thing.)

The results:  I do have lowered kidney function, my kidneys are working at 88% of capacity so not the end of the world but indicative of a problem.  All my numbers are high, but not dangerously high, salt is fine (thank god I would have cried if I had to take salt away).  Blood sugar was too high, which worried me because of the Diabetes in the family but he said it’s not high enough to be worried about that yet but we’ll keep an eye on it.  My liver function is lower than normal.  My Cholesterol is too high. And I’m super dehydrated, according to the tests.  But, nothing is high enough to warrant medicine even.  Basically, just keep doing what I’m doing (exercising a few times a week, and eating reasonable food) and try to up the exercise a little if I can.  The only real change I need/ed to make  is I need to drastically increase my water intake.  Um, but I generally drink 1-2 liters most days it’s closer to two.. how much do I need to drink?  Bare minimum, 3-4 liters.  OOF do you know how much water that is?  Let’s be honest though, having to drink stupid amounts of water is like nothing compared to how bad it could have been.  (Note, I have actually been really good about it and have been drinking on average 3.5-4.5 liters every day for more than a week)
There it is, there’s my story :).  Some of you already know, but here’s a bit more detail and the results.  Those of you who didn’t know, look, yay all good.  I just need to go back in tomorrow, for a sonogram of my liver and kidneys to see if there is any damage, liver whatever it will heal even if there is damage, and kidneys he’s hopeful that it’s just reduced function and no damage which means it should all go back to tickity boo as long as I take care of myself.  He did deliver that news about the possible damage with a keen eye on me to make sure I didn’t burst into tears again, lol I guess we can’t break the daughter’s beloved teacher, chuckle at least I know he’s invested in keeping me well!

Worst case, is there is damage, and my kidneys will not go back to 100% function, but even if they stay where they are as long as I drink copious amounts of water, and take care of myself it’s nothing.  Will be going back in, in 3 months to do the tests again, but I’m pretty confident that everything will be fine, even good.  I already am feeling a bunch better, less fatigued, the Chinese medicine has been helping with the water retention, and weight loss (I’ve lost about 5 kg in the past 3 months).  I just need to pee every 15 minutes and I hate, nah loath the water.. I call it names.  It’s agony trying to get all the water drinking in, but I power through because, let’s be honest as far as medical treatments go, it’s pretty much nothing.

Any questions?  I leave anything out?  Ask away 🙂

Finally, 2013 in Review

2013 Boom .. look at that!!!!   Here we go!

January – Finishing up exams and grades at school.  Busy as hell, pretty sure I didn’t get into much excitement.

February -Work a super intense 4 days of winter camp at work, and then flew to France via Vietnam for the rest of the Chinese New Year break.  Had a great time with Regis for the winter break, but I was super sad because we get to spend so little time together.  One of my students bought me a cute dragon USB with his own money <3.  Got a fancy signature stamp that I played with endlessly.

March – Went to a Taiwanease social night with some friends, met an interesting assortment of people.  Took a couple of pole dancing classes with a friend.  While cool, I was/am in too bad of shape to really enjoy it.

April – Officially paid off all of my debt. BOOM DEBT FREE BITCHES. Mom sent me photos of a moose in the safeway.  Applied for and was approved for a real Taiwanese card! (a very difficult task).  Went to Carnegies, for the first time in a very long time.  May have danced on the bar… maybe .. probably not though. Resigned for my school.

May – Almost bought my first new fridge, but in the end I bought a second hand one from Xiamen Street.  Got a Wii for super cheap (wanted the guitar hero… I play it all the time all the time… honest).

June – There was a biggish earthquake.  Rob and I made a “time out” group for people not acting right.  Finished off my first school year at ChingShin.  Raygan came to Taiwan to visit Tracey and I on her way back to Canada. We all went to Ounce a speakeasy style bar.

July – Took the summer off, except for a summer camp that I did at Chang Kai Shek Memorial Hall.  Finally got my broken micro sd card replaced.  We had a sissy typhoon.  I finally actually used my buy-sell-trade page to sell some stuff.

August – Went back to Canada to see the family, via China for the first time.  Regis arrived in Vancouver and we spent the month with my family and friends, spend some good times with Becky and Phil, then rented a car and drove to see Nadine.  Drove up to Smithers, then back to PG with mom where I made full use of the new wireless paying machines to pay the bill mid meal (I win) was deeply entertaining watching Regis and mom fight over the bill. Regis and I flew to Shang Hai, we went into town but we were too jet lagged to have fun.  Then on to Taipei and straight back to work for me.  School was a mess.

September – Went to paint ball with Regis and some other friends.  I turned 34?  wait… damn no 35.  Regis and I celebrated both of our birthdays.  Thought my Credit card had been used illegally, but no I’m just a dummy.   Signed up for two theme runs (beer and zombie).

October – um… oh yeah there was a biggish earthquake and it was awesome because Regis was white as a ghost! Regis went back to France for his dad’s funeral. School told us that the bonuses that they promised us (that were the reason for most of us to resign) weren’t happening at least one possibly two.  Oh yeah did the beer run with Regis and Mickeal (I stole a case of beer, yay me!)

November – I got a new kitty!!!! Went to Peng Hu with Regis for the first time, loved the island!  Much contemplating of names for kitty. Did the first ever Zombie run in Taipei.. not what I expected but really cool and fun!

December – Had a fake Christmas with Regis because he was leaving at the beginning of the month.  Had a big going away shindig for Regis, same as the previous time all you can eat and drink BBQ followed by a hooka bar.  Had a second fake (but closer to real) Christmas party with some friends, made a nommilcious turkey.  Finished the kid’s Christmas play finally.  Angela and I went to On Tap for dinner and couple of drinks on New Year’s eve, deliberately early and went home at ten.  Because we’re cool like that 😉 Bought my ticket to go to France for Chinese New Year.  Had Kitty’s nuts chopped off.

2014 so far! –  Finally named kitty (Shinobi, Osiris, Sir Dick Head the Third).  Marked all my tests for work.  I almost quit at work, but decided to stick it out for now.  But I’m seriously considering making some changes this year.  I’m looking forward to going to France for Chinese New Year.  I’m sad that my neighbor and really good friend is moving away at Chinese New Year.

Chapter 2 oh me :D

2011 –   Decided that I wasn’t happy with these pretend personality and behavior changes I had made, in reality for my ex even though if you asked at the time I would have denied it.  Started living the life of “why not”, when things came up I thought why not? And if I didn’t have a good reason then … woot.  Which is how I met Regis, I was having ‘fun’ and it turned it to something unexpected.  I went to Macau for the first time with TPT, that was a weekend to remember.  Started chatting with Regis a lot.  Went to Canada for the summer again.  Raygan came to Taipei to hang out with Tracey and I.  Raygan convinced me to stop being a negative Nancy and let Regis come to Taiwan to see what could happen.   Regis moved to Taipei on Nov 4th,

2011 for three months.  I started hating my job.  I decided that I didn’t know what was happening with us, but wasn’t ready to call it quits.  Rolling up on the ten year mark and decided I’m a grown upa nd I can do what I want, ie not moving back to Canada since I don’t want to.

2012 – I had all the money to pay off my debt, but re-borrowed it so I could I quit my job, and move to France at Chinese new year. Feb 3rd 2012.  Went to England for the first time in April, Portsmouth.   Was really just a visa run, couch surfed and met some cool people.  I went to Prague in the Czech Republic for the first time, caught up with some old friends from the early years of Taipei).  Stayed a really nice and cool hostel, was disappointed that Regis couldn’t come with me.  Regis took me to Mont St Michel.  I moved back to Taipei and started looking for a new job.  Found a couple of good prospects was really torn between a kindergarten that was going to pay me really well but in the end I decided to go with the private elementary school near my house.  Met my new co workers/friends Angela and Candice.  Started a crazy job, that was a lot or work but something very new.

History of Me 1978-2010

Everyone seems to be writing these, year summary blogs (or letters, like Emily).  I know I haven’t really posted or blogged in ages.. and I may ore may not actually finish this and explain.

So Just this past year seems like not enough.. so I I’ve feeling nostalgic and am going to do something more silly.

My life in summary!

1978- I was born, I’m pretty sure the world stopped for a second because I’m so awesome!

1979-1997 – Lived in Smithers, it’s a boring story.  My grandmother passed away.  We moved into town.  A few years later my Grandpa passed away.  Went to France on a school trip, I always wonder if this was the beginning of the end.  Met my little brother and dad’s side of the family. I graduated from high school, started working at my mom’s company (Newpro), got laid off  and on the same day received a uni acceptance letter.  Applied for loans and off I went.

1997-2001 – Moved to Prince George, BC, went to UNBC.  Partied, studied, and all that good uni stuff.  Made lots of new friends, had ups, had downs.  Ended contact with my dad.  Dated, ended up with Erik which while the relationship was terrible and we should have ended it when I originally.  It was a pivotal factor in the rest of my life.  Tracey moved to Japan on Jet. At the end of school, had a conversation with my friend Mike Yeh where he suggested I love to Taiwan.  I scoffed.  I broke up with Erik, and suddenly realized why the hell not?

2001-2002 – moved home to stay with mom (saving money before the move), made plans to hang out in Thailand for almost 2 months.  Got a passport, all my visas, and finally on a jet plane. Arrived in Bangkok on December 7, 2001.  Exited the plane to be hit by a wall of hot wet air.  Travelled around Thailand with Tracey, we took sleeper trains, busses, boats, planes, stayed in hotels, hostels.  Went diving, got certified with PADI.  I got some weird unexplained sickness, hallucinated my way around a tiny town (because I dipped and Tracey was frantic trying to figure out how to fine me) in the south and Tracy found me chatting with dogs, sorry about that.  Went back to Bangkok, Tracey went back to Japan and I headed to Taipei. Cue next chapter.

2002 – Jan 12, 2002 I arrived in Taipei city in Taiwan.  I always said that I planned to stay for at least 5 years, I wanted to stick it out, make money, learn a language, and a new culture (all part of Mike’s sales pitch).  I did say that if I was still here after 10 years, that I had to move home to see if I was really wanting to stay or if I was just scared to move.  Moved into my first apartment in Taipei it was hideous.

2002-2005 – Travelled to Japan to visit Tracey in March 2002.  Travelled to Thailand a few times.  Tracey came to Taipei to visit.  Went back to Canada, a couple of times to visit the family.  By being snotty, I offended Sammi, made myself less than popular and was blissfully ignorant of what I had done. Got my first passport abroad (was actually my third passport) the guarantor was an interesting challenge. Moved to a much better but more expensive place, when our landlord sold out place my friend Sarah and I got the place I’m in now and furnished it.

2005-2009- Taiwan changed the APRC requirement from 7 years to 5 years, right about my 5-6 year mark, no I didn’t apply. Tracey moved back to Taiwan after her south American back packing trip. Met and fell in love with my ex, who was married and bipolar, that was a ride that went on for a while (on and off for years). Went to Thailand again in 2006.  Moved to Brazil for 5-6 months with Tracey  in the fall of 2006.  We lived in Sao Paulo for a while, travelled around and spent the last month (2?) travelling around, drinking, partying and beaching.  oh I miss it.  Went on a visa run to Argentina, accidentally and illegally went to Paraguay. Moved back to Taipei in The spring of 2007. Went to Hong Kong for the first time with Tracey and Melissa for my birthday, stayed at Mike’s place.  What a crazy weekend! Also went to Disney Land (even though it was micro Disney) for the first time. Went to the USA for the first time ever 🙂 in 2007.  Went to Boracay (a beach holiday destination in the Philippines) with a big group of friends, that was a wild and great time. Went to the states again in 2008, still with on again off again ex.  Made peace with my soon to be sister. Got back in touch with my little brother.

2009-2010 – Went to Thailand for Jody and Kai’s wedding, and I almost missed my flight.  It was the last hurrah for our circle, Tracey moved back to Canada, Melissa stayed in Thailand and then moved back to Canada. Had a big trip to Canada, went to Toronto and Niagra falls for the first time, actually the first time I’ve ever been east of Alberta.  Got over my ex and let all that go, finally.  Ended up having a great bonding moment with Sammi and we adopted each other <3. I went to Hong Kong to Visit Gabby twice.  Raygan moved to Japan, and I went to Japan to visit.  Got my finances under control and it seemed like I might actually be able to get out of debt.

Back To Blogging, With a BANG. Botox Bang.

So I got botox.  Bam. There you go… lol… I didn’t tell anyone because… well have you have noticed that when you want to do something.. almost anything. Someone tries to talk you out of it?  Tells you all about how bad it is, or what a stupid idea, or irresponsible it is.

Amusing side note, while I was going to brunch yesterday I was thinking about how I decided that I wasn’t going to tell anyone because I didn’t want well meaning concern to talk me out of what I wanted to do.   And I walk up to a conversation about how one of our number is thinking about moving to china and working on this project with this guy that some of us know.  And everyone (myself included) proceeded to go on and on about what a terrible idea it was.  Part way through I thought .. see this is why I’m not telling anyone, I apologized to my friend and said hey do what you want, I’m selfish so I hope it doesn’t work out and you come back here, but you should do it if you want to.

Anyway after lunch I was giving my friend a ride and I told her why it was so funny/ironic that I had been sitting at the table trying to talk her out of taking some job that she wasn’t even certainly taking, just something she was thinking about and discussing with friends.  That  I was going to go get botox, but I hadn’t told anyone (other than my sister) because I didn’t want well meaning friends to talk me out of it. Interestingly, I wonder what the reactions would have been if I hadn’t done it yet?

I mean the two people I told before were really supportive.  Actually after I dropped my friend off at the mrt I went right over to the clinic and was like… screw it.. lets do this. My sister asked me to document everything, and funnily I had already decided to do that.  What the heck, if I’m going to do it … why not blog about it :D.

It’s not like I’m really the type to be all cagey about anything I’ve ever done. I have been thinking about it for a while, mostly as a preventative measure, I’ve heard that you can prevent deep wrinkle lines with lower dosages if you get botox before the wrinkles are a big issue.  I did some reading, and everything was pretty clear that it wasn’t as bad as some make it out to be.  Even people who had bad experiences say that it is definitely temporary.   I read up about how much to take, how much it costs and all sort of things. I went to the same clinic where I get laser hair removal.  And asked for a doctor and nurse who spoke English, I do speak Chinese but when you’re doing something for the first time it’s much more calming if you can speak your native tongue.

The first nursy type chick was like, oh hey if you buy 40 unit you get a discount of x amount of dollars.. and I was like uh no thanks.  Then she told me I needed a minimum of 3 units anyway and I was like.. yeah ok you need to go away.  First of all all the doctors I had talked to in the past several years had suggested 12-15 units for me.  So her suggestion was insane. The actual doctor wasn’t an idiot like that girl.  I told him I wanted a very low dosage because everything I had read was that it was better to go with less and get more later than to go overboard and look like you just had a stroke.  😀  He suggested 14 units, I asked if 10 or 12 would be ok.  Because I’m rather nervous about the whole thing, being the first time I’ve ever tried it.. that and I’m going to France in a couple of weeks to see my boyfriend and it would suck to have frozen face. He said 10 would be fine, I then asked if it was enough that I would see some results, I mean why have it done if it’s going to do nothing.  He assured me that I would definitely see something with 10 units and that that it wouldn’t be too dramatic so a good middle ground.

Oh the cost, it’s 400 nt per unit that’s about $13.50 a unit.  Seems pretty standard from what I saw online, prices ranging from 8-20 dollars a unit.  So my total cost was 4000 nt and the effect is meant to be 4-9 months.  They suggest you come back in every 4-6 months depending on your results. So In the clinic, they put a little numbing cream on my face (not necessary but they are really keen on numbing cream in Taiwan) and I waited playing with my phone.  After 20 minutes, I went into the doctor’s office, had our little chat and then I laid down on the little massage table in the office.  I got a blankie and everything  meanwhile the nurse went out and got the botox.  The doctor and I chatted while we waited for her to return, actually he was really good, very confident and calm and answered all my questions clearly.

He did a really good job of making me feel comfortable and calm, if you’ve ever been to a doctor in Taiwan, you’ll know how rare such a good bedside manner is. On to the injections!  I am being treated for crows feet, which to be honest aren’t that significant, and under eye wrinkles, which have just become an issue in the last year and actually bother me.  I think they make me look tired and old… booo! So I got three injections on each side, one near the corner of the eye (for crows feet) and two slightly below the eye top of the cheek to stop the under eye smile wrinkles. The shots didn’t hurt, of the three I only even felt one of them.  The pressure of injecting liquid into the muscle tissue was, not uncomfortable, but well.. I don’t know how to describe it.  One spot hurt a little, but I mean so little that it doesn’t count, just enough for me to categorize it as pain.  The other two, I felt nothing or just a little pressure.

After that, I asked was there anything I should or shouldn’t do.  The doctor was like, oh yes don’t go to a sauna or hot spring in the next week.  I asked anything else, food?  Exercise?  Rubbing the area?  What about tanning? Can I go tanning?   The answer was I can do what ever I want, just try not to get the area too hot for a week, so no tanning, sauna or hot springs but exercise is fine.  and do not massage or rub the area for a week.

Another interesting thing I didn’t know, was that I won’t see any results for a week… well he said a week, but I looked online and they said 3-7 days.  I assume he said a week so I wasn’t calling in 4 days being like.. WTF why don’t I see anything.  Apparently results are in full effect with in two weeks. Interestingly, botox is used for a bunch of stuff including migraine treatments,  muscle spasms, and a number of other things.  Anyway since I’ve already done it, now I’m telling people and the responses have ranged from surprise  because they don’t feel I have any wrinkles, and curiosity.  So far no negativity at all.. interesting :D. I took some pictures, of before during and after.  So you can see what it all looks like.  If you have any questions feel free to ask, I’m a (mostly) open book.

Ok so I mostly wrote this right after I did it, and here is a little post op info :).  There wasn’t much of anything to see for a couple of days, and then a slight lessening of the crow’s feet.  Now it’s been 6 days since the injections and there is a notable difference.  To be honest I’m quite pleased with the results, I might go with a slightly higher dose next time (1-2 more units, which was what the doctor recommended in the first place).  But so far, it’s really worth it.  Of course that is assuming it actually last a few months, it wouldn’t be worth it if it wore off in 1 month.  But I look a lot less tired around the eyes, and just knowing that makes me feel better :).

Anyway here are some pictures I’ll try to make them as big as I can, but if you want big versions you can just ask me to email them to you.. it’s quite interesting all large on the computer screen!

Before the Shot, relaxed

Before, Smiling

They put this numbing cream on before the shots

I got the nurse to take a picture while the doctor was doing the injections

Just after the shot, you can see the red spots.

This is the next day, not sure why it’s out of focus, obviously nothing to see yet

Monday Jan 14th oooh a little less crow’s feet

Tuesday Jan 15th, wow! can totally see something

Jan 16th, ok, definitely can see a difference!

And this is Today, Jan 18th so 6 days after the shot.

Ok and here are a before and after side by side 🙂 wadday thing?

Before

After

Really Frustrated

It’s a long story, but basically I went to France.  And I missed my gaming friends, I came back and no one seemed to come out.  Totally bummed me out, especially because a lot of them were playing DND instead of coming to play games.  I have no interest in DND and obviously the whole I missed my friends and then they were not coming to play because they were playing DND was kinda depressing.  Then salt in the wound, when they would come hang out, they would always talk about DND.  K fine what ever.

But then on the board game group they started completely hijacking other people’s threads.  So someone would post something about board games (the name and purpose of the group) and then someone into the DND or models would completely take over and hijack the threads.  It was annoying, but instead of being a bitch about it and yelling at them, I thought hey… since they have so much to say and I know that the people who are not interested in DND aren’t interested in it.  It would be cool if there was a second group, then everyone could have as much discussion as they wanted without stepping on anyone else’s toes.

Then I thought, Gee I better not tell them or suggest to them to make a separate group for dnd and model discussions, because someone will get all offended and it’ll be a big fight.  So I created a group, invited all the people who I knew who were interested in that stuff to it, made an admin (then made another because the first one left the group) and then I left it.

Jesus… you’d think I crucified kittens.

I created a group.. I created one… yet some people got all in a huff about how I was kicking them out of the gaming group.  0.0 If I had kicked you out, how are you still posting in it.. oh because no one kicked you out of anything?  But hey, people were offended, my bad. Sorry I didn’t mean it as a fuck off, I just thought it made sense.  and I was really surprised and taken aback, I never meant to hurt anyone’s feelings or upset anyone.  I mean I’m not one to mince my words, if I wanted to tell people to fuck off… I would.

So the week after, one of the guys (the one who is really upset about the whole thing) told me he was upset.  I was kinda surprised, but I said I was sorry and explained that I didn’t mean it as an insult.  He spent the rest of the day with me, even had dinner with me.  All the time still all pissy with me, completely unbeknownst to me.

Then the passive aggressive digs started.  Ok ha ha.  Then it got kinda mean.  And I was like … what the fuck?  And it come to my attention that He thinks I’m being a total bitch and refusing to apologize. Um?  I did apologize, clearly you didn’t accept it… but that doesn’t mean I didn’t apologize.  But he’s got a bee in his bonnet.  Turns out, whenever my name comes up he’s taking the opportunity to bash me and go on about what a shit I’m being.

First off, when have I ever… ever done anything intentionally to hurt anyone else?  I’m a nice person and I try to be nice to people.  Even people I actively dislike.  So why would I go out of my way to do some massive passive aggressive fuck off to a large group of my friends?   Why would I sit around and plot shitty things to do to them? Hell I’m the first to admit that I do things without thinking them through, and sure I hurt people’s feelings.  But it’s never intentional, and I always feel really bad.  I felt horrible when he said he was really upset and offended by my creating the group.  When I said I was sorry and that I never intended to upset anyone, I was being really genuine.

Hence I was so hurt by the malice and bs that followed.  And to make matters worse, not a single person went, hey hold on… That Magda girl is a pretty nice kid.  She’s probably didn’t mean it this way… no instead it was silence or joining in.  Seriously?  These are my friends?

Then another friend, who genuinely meant well and was trying to help called.  And the next day his suggestion was that “After sleeping on the matter, I’m suggesting the following course of action. 1) Remove yourself as an Admin of the group. 2) Send private messages to “them”etc. letting them know you did this, and apologize to them for the way in which you handled the situation. Let them know you understand what you did was wrong, and you’re sorry and leave it at that. Don’t explain anything, just admit your fault and move on. 3)Then give them some time to get over it.”

I know what I did was wrong?  So even though I’m the one constantly asking new people to join, following up with new people, organizing events etc.  And I’m the one who goes every weekend as long as I’m in town.  I should not be an admin because one person is upset that I created a group.

I mean come on, if anyone is being run out of the group, it was me.  I didn’t really care about the being an Admin thing.  It’s the complete lack of faith in me, and complete disregard to my feelings.  If I had done something genuinely abusive to the group, like removing posts without reason.  removing members  blocking people etc.  Sure obviously, I’ve done something wrong.  But at worst I made a political misstep, and was insensitive.  But did something horrible, wrong or with any kind of malice?  Certainly not.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m totally aware that I over reacted and I was more hurt than really made sense.  But like I said at the beginning, I missed my friends.  And I get back and everyone is absent.  And then there is this silly kerfuffle, and I’m sad.  But WAIT there’s more!  So when I’m bummed out, and feeling down crying my eyes out about the whole thing.  I feel like I get kicked when I’m down. No one gives me a call and says, hey I’m upset with what you did.. or hey I’m sure you didn’t mean it they way it’s being taken.  (well one person did, but now he’s irritated with me because I left the group).

And it doesn’t end, I can’t win.  I feel like shit because the people who were my main social life here, either want nothing to do with me, or actually think I’m such a piece of crap that I would intentionally do shitty things. Or that I’m ‘playing the victim’.  So even though for the past .. oh 4-5 years I’ve been trying to organize people to get together to play games on Sundays.  I can’t go, because I’m just going to either end up fighting with someone, or I’m going to feel like shit and end up crying.

So I quit, because I was tired of feeling sad all the time.  I am trying to move on and put it behind me.  But my living room has a big shelf of games, that I’m thinking about getting rid of because why keep them?  Plus it just keeps coming up (hence I’m writing this post, trying to vent with out subjecting anyone to it all), my friend and co worker, he keeps feeling really bad, because on my birthday everyone blew me off (except Rob, Tarra, Angela, and Tanya) including him, and he keeps calling me asking about events or things with our group of friends.  And he ends up feeling like shit, because I am usually in the middle of organizing things, so asking me makes sense.  Except no one is talking to me, so I’m not invited to anything.. and then he feels bad because he just told me about another thing that I was not invited to.  Drawing it to my attention, which obviously makes me sad.   But then I feel bad for him too.

And my roommate, he goes every Sunday.  And he tries to not tell me about it, but that is one of the main things we used to gab about is games.  Plus it turns out, my name comes up, and then there is a complain fest about me, and he tries to stay out of it but he gets dragged into the middle of it all the time.  Sure I talked and cried to him about it at the beginning, because he’s my friend and I didn’t have many people to talk to that would understand.  But when he mentioned he didn’t want to hear about it, I mostly stopped.  It comes up now and again, but it’s usually because he mentions something.

So now it seems I suck because I left, and also no one believes me because the other guy insists I didn’t apologize   And as my roommate says I’m not there to give my side, and the other guy is quite persuasive.    So I do something, I’m the devil, I do nothing, I’m terrible, I leave because I’m hurt and I don’t want to spend my time crying anymore.  And I’m a jerk.  Awesome.

Know what I would have done if it was anyone ANY one of them?  I would call them up and ask their side, I would take into consideration their personality and the fact that I’m friends with them for a reason.  I’d ask if they were ok, I’d be bummed that they were so upset that they felt like they couldn’t come in.

The worst, WORST part?  I want to say, I’m better off, I don’t need friends like this.  But they’re all I have here, and while some of them can be dicks from time to time, I like most of them. So I miss them.  And they all sit around and bitch about me. great.  I feel like such a chump.

Ps Happy birthday to me.

Harumph

Alright, I have some bitching to do.. some shit I want to get off my chest and complain about.  Now before I start, let me begin with a couple of little disclaimers.  One, if you want to give me the little speech about how complaining and whinging is detrimental to my mental health yadda yadda… don’t.  Shut up.  I enjoy a good bitch, so nayyyayayay.  Two, if you’re about to say something along the lines of ‘you complain a lot” …. seriously?  Are you new here?  I’m 33 years old, no shit sherlock, I’m not changing now ;).    Three, no one is forcing you to read this, and if you’re honest you like someone elses woes.. because lets face it.. it’s amusing damn it :P>

ON WITH THE BITCHING

Well one.. my mouse is a cunt, I hate it.. and I want to smash it.  That is all on that right now.

I went to  get my hair cut, because it’s so dry I think it’s going to crumble off my head.  It’s getting hard to wash and comb out bc it’s so damaged and dry on the ends.  I tried to get Regis to take me to a place, because I’m all nervous about it.. but he wouldn’t (which really irritated me, yes I know I could do it myself but I want you to come and help just in case, I never told him no when he wanted help).  Anyway I finally got frustrated and went by myself at 150pm.. and of course.. IT’S FUCKING CLOSED for lunch.  le sigh.  They open at 2, not the end of the world, but irritating and all I could thing is how does anyone make any damn money here?  Nothing is open.. well I worked that out when I got the bill.  The sign says 16 Euros for a cut.. and has the word shampoo above it.  How foolish of me to think anything was included…  I get the bill… I was charge 16 euros for a basic trim, 4.50 for the shampooing, 4.50 for the conditioner (that’s right it’s not included).  And when she offered to blow dry my hair, I was like, no it’s not necissary just toss a little product in it and let it air dry.  Idiot… she charged me 3.50 for mousse… which she didn’t even use much of… SERIOUSLY???  It’s like 5 minutes from my house, I so could and would have washed my hair at home and tossed a little gel in it when I got back… all of that cost me  (these little extras, that to me are normally included or at least clearly itemized by prices BEFORE you do it) 12.50 euros… That’s $16.30 CAD just for shampoo, conditioner and a bit of mousse… in total I spend 28.50 euros… for like 30 mins and a wee trim which would have been fine if the fucking sign didn’t say 16. GR

Driving.. one of the only things Regis and I fight about.  Sometimes, usually when I’m driving bc he’s been drinking, I’m the best driver ever.  Then sometimes he’s all nag nag trying to teach me better ways to drive. Now it’s not that I don’t think he can’t teach me, I am certain he can tell me lots about driving… but it’s the way he goes about it that drives me bananas.  The worst was the whole right of way rules in France.  Now, he didn’t explain this clearly and it caused a few frustrated spats, but in the end I worked it out.

And it’s fucking RETARDED.  So this is what I’ve finally worked out, when you’re driving down a road, and there is an intersection (not a four way stop mind you) any road coming onto your road…. if they are on your right.. they have the right of way, unless they have a big white stop line before the crosswalk.  Which you can’t see until you’re basically parallel to the road.  RIGHT… the right of way is based on the marking on the OTHER road… that you either have to memorize, or just drive like someone’s grandma checking for stop lines.  You don’t have to stop, so I suppose they save on stop signs and paint lines… (shakes head)

This is seriously the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard of.. what it means is technically if they want to, people coming out of side roads (as long as they are taking a right) can just shoot out into the road.  Because they have the right of way.  O.O The idea….  get this, is to keep people from on the straight roads from going too fast.  ….. really?  How about stop lines.. and if I have a stop line I stop.. novel idea.  They made this rule so you never know who is coming from where so you have to drive slower or potentially die… really.. this seems like a good idea?  TO WHO???

Speed signs… this is a fucking charmer… sometimes they post the speed limit, sometimes they don’t.  The limit could be 130km/hr on the highway or 110, or 90… sometimes it’s marked sometimes you get to guess.  On the not highways.. the roads are all two way.. even though they are usually one narrow lane wide.  The limit?  Well it is usually 90 (suicide on these roads) but it might be 70, or 50, it might be labeled.. it might not.. GUESS. So it’s probably pretty clear in town right?  Wrong.   Next to town it might might 70, might be 50, in town itself it might be 50 it might be 30.  It’s usually fine, I can usually suss it out because there is a certain logic to the speeds… but still Invest in a fucking sign…

Ok rant done.. 😀 tralala gonna go for a walk 😉

 

Because no one is online… and I’m sulking

sigh everyone is either sleeping or working..

So I’m having one of those days… I went to the store to pick up stuff for dinner, and ended up rushing to two store looking for something Regis wanted (know how many times he’s asked for something, other than beer? This one time.. and of course I can’t find it.  Sigh… He’s like don’t worry about it, but of course I am bummed.  (Yes I know it’s stupid… I’m stupid like that… if anyone asks for something I usually turn myself inside out trying to get it to them.

Anyway, So I got a pork roast some apples etc.. adapted this recipe online with apple cider and stuffs.  big plans… Started with some bruschetta… which was pretty damn good actually.. and good thing as it turned out or we might have starved to death.

I put the roast in the oven… for .. 30 minutes… and the damn thing is pretty much raw when I pull it out to check on it… gah … What have I done wrong??? I have no idea.. so I toss the bitch back in… an hour later it’s looking good.. so I cut into it.. and it’s pink.. like TOTALLY pink.. FUCK.. Now I don’t have a proper roasting pan (and no I’ve never made a pork roast before) so I had used tin foil to cover it.. works a charm with the turkey in Taiwan and that’s in my little ghetto oven.  This is a big bad ass oven…

So I dunno.. 40 some minutes later.. it’s STILL not done.. WTF.. it’s mostly done.. but still a little pinker than either of us though was acceptable… GRRR  So we slice it.. and put the slices back in the oven while I quickly do the stove veg and make the gravy.

Meanwhile in all the pulling it out looking at it.. using a spoon to put some cider/water/juice on it so it doesn’t dry out… I have burned myself.. oh at least 3-4 times on this thing in the oven whose only reason for existing that I can see is getting in my way and burning me.  Grumble.

At this point I’m so frustrated I could cry… I mean who can’t cook a damn pork roast… sure I’ve never done it before.. but I haven’t done lots of things before.. and I’ve made roasts for fucksakes… GAH

So I;m pouting and Regis is starving.. and we’re chatting about it.. and how I can’t understand what happened… and I tell him I covered it, because I don’t have a proper roasting pan.. and he’s like… you covered it? HAHAHAHAHA Well that’s what went wrong, mystery solved.

.. Um care to share there princess?  Because when you cover something it traps the heat and it cooks faster… so I fail to see what is funny.. or what the hell you’re talking about.  And he points out it’s a convection oven… um.. ok (having never used one.. and growing increasing UNfond of the fucking thing) So what… heat is heat… No seems that if you cover something in the convection over.. it just never cooks because it doesn’t actually get THAT hot but it blows the hot air around. >.< face palm.. Mind you I LOOKED online about how to cook a roast in a convection oven and NO ONE mentioned that little fucking gem.

We finally have dinner and of course my entire self esteem is resting on this stupid meal because I invested so much damn time into it.. effort and fugging burned my hands.. grumble.  And he’s like yeah it’s fine.  I swear I almost burst into tears… YES I know I’m being a big child, and I get way too invested in these things.  Sulk.

And when I got online to try to call or chat … I realized everyone is working or sleeping… SIGH.  And my mouse is all borked… No I don’t have any real problems… shutty.

Miss everyone 🙂

Living together

You know, for the first time living with someone, things are really good. Sure we get under each others skin from time to time, and the stress of life makes us grouchy and unreasonable occasionally. But all in all, not the horror fest I’d imagined cohabitation would be.

And really if you think about it, the whole thing is rather astonishing. From “well hey thanks for the sex” to ” uh hi, you know you didn’t need to call” to twitterpated to well, this. Mostly living together in the ‘wan and really living together here. And trying to figure out how we’re gonna make it work after June..

Anyway I was just kinda pondering that…

Oh and ps it drives him. Bonkers that I often leave the toilet light on… But it’s so not my fault the room is a vault once the door is closed if you forgot to turn the light off you’d never know till you went back in.. And the light switches flick the wrong way.. Drives me nuts, I’m constantly leaving rooms and auto turning off the light which turns it on here. 😛

Easter Weekend

This weekend was Easter, which means lots of brightly coloured fun chocolates in the store and me mildly pouting and reminiscing about Easter egg hunts which I no longer get to participate in.  So on Sat, Regis is like ‘ok I’m only telling you this once, so you’d best remember’  obnoxious as that was, at least he gave me a heads up for the plans this weekend.  Seems we have learned from the folly of not informing me and then getting mad pissy at me bc I’m not ready.  Cue the eyeroll.

So on Saturday afternoon we played a game of Karnaxis, that Regis lost with a resounding thud. Lol Which was very amusing because he trounced me the day before.  I’d go into details but most have you have never played never mind heard of the game and the details would only be interesting if you knew about it.  Then we were supposed to head to Caen to pick up Regis’s brother’s brother (this is very common here and makes my life of my brother and sister who not related to each other at all less weird) and check out some information about playing paintball.  But I didn’t want to go, so I chilled at home, went for a run, and got ready.

When they got back from Caen, we headed over to Samuel and Chloe’s house (Regis’s Brother and sister in law), for a birthday dinner for her older daughter.  Chloe went all out and made all kinds of yummy special things for dinner, we started with something that basically translates to amusing your mouth, it was chopped peppers, avocado crème fresh and some other things.  Then we had two huge trays of escargots, which we pretty much demolished in 4.5 seconds, lol it was a friendly flight over the snails.. Regis, the cunt, kept trading his empty shells for my full ones.  Then we had sweet potatoes, baked apples and some cut of duck with a special sauce.  Which was fricken delicious. Followed by (notice the correct order of the foods… don’t mess with the order) some more booze (duh) followed by an apple tart thing.  Yum.   There was much drinking, food and revelry, but I got tired and bowed out at … 3 ish.. music still booming.  So I’m in the guest (almost like a hostel) room with the other brother .. and I started to write for my blog.. and he’s like.. HEY QUIT  TYPING I’m trying to sleep.  Uh ok. It’s not like it’s loud.. unlike the music (not a complaint I just thought it was ironic that the tapping of keys was disturbing his sleep) and then.. lol he proceeded to store like a frickin train.  Can I yell at you now?  😛 neener… ha he saw I posted online snicker.  I finally fell out, only to be woken, by my wasted boyfriend, who was kind cute and cuddly even though he was trashed.

Of course, I woke early and couldn’t sleep due to light, alcohol consumption, and captain snores.. I couldn’t sleep.  So I went downstairs, read on the couch and fell asleep but woke up again when Chloe got up to take her daughter to the train station. I gave up, got up and washed the dishes (why not…lol) .  As soon as the troops got up, we had to go ever to Regis’s mom’s place for lunch, which was also nice, and in the correct food order :D.  But near the end of lunch, I was on the verge of just falling out at the table.  Regis told me I could take a nap in the other room, so I missed the end of the gathering and everyone leaving.  Regis ended up coming in and napping with me, and I woke up around 5/6, yay the dessert I had missed was waiting for me.  Yum, Chocolate mousse with fruit in it.  Then we had to rush home to have quick showers and get ready to go to his friend’s house for a bbq.

We headed over to his friend’s house (who is actually quite a nice guy, and he has a really nice place) had some more drinks… ok I had some, they had a shit ton..  Note we got there… mmm round 7 ish.. at 11… I mentioned most bbqs that I go to have food at some point.. lol.  The boys were like, snap lets fire up the grill.  Nothing like whiskey to make the boys forget the food, chuckle.  Then there was some major drama, one guy and his girlfriend got in this massive fight.  Which I completely missed, because I was on my computer in the other room.  Wait hang on, rewind, I am doing this 30 day challenge, and I hadn’t been able to go work out, so I went out at 930 for a brisk (terrifying) walk in the dark.  After which, I got really bored because only one girl would talk to me (and not that much, and she was the one with the big fight so she disappeared) the other two barely acknowledged my existence.  Which wasn’t that big of a deal, but as the guys were all drunkenly yelling at each other and I couldn’t keep up with them, I was kinda bored.  Which is why I brought my computer, bc I’m not a retard, lol.  So instead of sulking I just went played with my computer, Regis or Fabian (his nice friend) would come check on me, but I was fine.  I would come back join them, get bored, and wander off again.  One girl, was so snotty I kinda wanted to slap her.  Every time I would say anything (in French) she would say to everyone else.. what what what did she say, I can’t understand her.. even though I could clearly understand what she was saying.  Grr.  And everyone else, had no issue understanding me, even the guys were like.. dude she obviously said ‘xyz’.  We finally had dinner at 130 am… the one girl has completely disappeared, the guy is now back.. the other girls are out looking for the one chick.  Then they come back and are super pissy because, the guys ate all the sausages (what did you think the drunk dudes were going to do while you were out ???) then the one girl got super mad bc the boys were rough housing with her dog.

Anyway, needless to say I retreated again, watched some TV and fell asleep on the sofa.  The snotty girl went home, the other chick went to bed.. and I watched tv and half fell out on the sofa.  Then Regis came and poked me to go home, we got in at 5/6am … up again in the morning to take his son over to Samuel’s house for lunch and an Easter egg hunt for the kids (lol hence my pouting, though Chloe scooped some chocolate for me).

I fell out on the couch after lunch, with the cat on my head, lol.  And then I wrote this bad boy, while the others sat about and chit chatted. J There you go, that was my weekend.. and .. there is a very serious threat of reconnecting my internet tomorrow, the technician is supposed to be over at 9 am tomorrow.   I may sleep until then.. zzzz

We’re not in Kansas anymore

That amuses the hell out of me especially since I’ve never been to Kansas.  Every place has it’s little things, things that ultimately bug you, or cause culture shock in the end.    (let me insert a warning here.. this started out as an innocent commentary on life here.. and turns into a bitch fest because I’ve been getting ouber frustrated lately.. I wrote the first couple of paragraphs weeks ago.. and the rant fest that follows all today… )

So what’s the deal with France? How does it compare to my memories of the place? Well luckily the last time I was here was a long time ago, long enough that all my travels and experiences since have worn the shininess of off that memory.  Don’t get me wrong, little things like a metro station that I remember, spark little moments of total glee and excitement that can only be remnants of my first trip abroad.  But for the most part I didn’t have grand expectations, so what’s it like?  Well on the surface, at first glance, well let’s put it this way.  Ever been to Canada?  Was it in the early 80’s, in the countryside? BAM That’s where I live right now.. (Seriously no shit).

Ok obviously it isn’t the same as Canada, but it’s shockingly similar.  Keep in mind, this is from the girl who lives in Asia, so that is probably a factor in the perceived similarity.  But still, the weather, the landscapes…. Southern BC/Alberta.  Hand on my heart, I have some photos of the drive my mom and I took over the summer, through the south of BC up through Alberta.  And I swear to you sometimes it looks exactly the same.

Ok and here is the thing that really gets my goat… Nothing is ever open.  I’ve heard a lot about how France has greta labour laws and the pay is good for the amount of work you have to do.. plus lots of holidays etc.  BUT what you don’t hear about is how nothing is ever open, because of these same labour laws having people work outside of the tiny amount they do work costs the company far more than it’s worth.  So nothing is open after 7 pm, or on Sunday.  You’re fucking kidding me. No I swear, most places close for lunch (not restaurants obviously) they open at 9pm and close at 5 or six. And a surprisingly high number of people are unemployed, why because there are no fucking jobs because nothing is ever fucking open.  Oh did I mention most stores also close on Monday because they were open on Saturday, for a couple of hours, not even a full day?   Even in the 80’s in butfucknowhere Canada shit was open on MONDAY.   It’s absolutely mind boggling to me.

Literally, the gas station attendant, gone at lunch.. the bank closes at lunch… how the fuck is anyone who has a fucking job ever supposed to do anything because of the labour laws EVERYONE works the same hours and have the same time off.  And don’t even get me started on the internet phone company.  What really gets me, is everyone just goes along with it, when I point out how ludicrous it all is, they just shrug and sheeple it off.  0.0  Well that’s how it is.. um kick a fuss and change it?  Nah just wait 6 months, it’ll sort itself out.  WHAT?!?!

Oh and I know this is a huge case of culture shock.. but COME ON how can it be this fucking hard to get an icecream??? All I wanted was a shop with the different flavours, chose by the scoop and pay too much, ice cream or gelato.. and no nothing.. looked for ages and I was literally this close to tears because I have had a lot of frustration and all I wanted was the simple pleasure of ice cream but no.  (This craving was finally satisfied the other week when we went to the beach.. apparently the only place in the country to buy icecream.. Which is retarded bc the beach was fucking freezing and everywhere else is all toasty and warm…logic fail)… you guys know how close you are to Switzerland home of movenpick (hands down the best icecream I’ve had) and Germany (no slouches in the iceycreaminess department.)

Lets talk about my internet service for a minute, or the lack there of.  Some have heard this already, but here is the game we have been playing with SFR since we went to Paris… yes a month and half ago.. rapidly

Life would be so much simplier

If only I could just ‘settle down’ and want what most people want. Perhaps we’re all doomed to secretly long for something we don’t or can’t have, I don’t really believe that. But I also don’t think it should be this complicated or difficult. Le sigh.

Seriously though, while out I was thinking how much simpler my life would be if I wanted the things that I am ‘supposed’ to want. Such as: kids, a husband, a house with a yard and garage, a normal settled down family life.… yadda yadda. The whole prospect bores me to tears. I genuinely dislike children, and honestly in spite of those who go on about biological clocks, as I get older I’m even less enchanted with rug rats. I freely admit I like kids in certain doses, but it seems I also like it if it’s regulated like with teaching. I’m disgustingly fond of the majority of my students, but just hanging out all day with people’s kids drives me bananas… Like here for example, because I’m often the girl in the group the kids usually come to me and yammer at me in French. What? Hu? Don’t bloody mumble… no you can’t use my computer, which I have already told you 15 times. God what do you want now… I don’t know where your damn toys are go look for them yourself. Oh so go to the car and get them… why the hell do I have to go with you.. turn on the light.. or how about ask your father… yes that guy over there … JESUS WHAT DO YOU WANT NOW… go away… You know I think most old people are just pretending to be deaf so they don’t have to listen to you. (lol none of this is my boyfriend’s kid, he’s a whole different can of worms).

I do not want kids. Let me repeat that for the slow among you. I do not … in anyway want to procreate, rip my bits asunder having a baby, just to be tied… pretty much forever to someone who I may grow to hate. That’s another thing I don’t get… people usually think long and hard before getting married, well some do anyway. But they don’t give it’s a moment’s thought before having a kid with someone. Um hello, at least with marriage if it turns out to be a grievous error you can

Wait… why is that one red?

I looked back and I never wrote about this.  A friend of mine recently posted on Facebook about how he accomplished a lot the other including doing an AIDS test.  Which reminded me of my most recent test.  When Regis was talking about coming back to Taiwan and obviously we were discussing getting together for reals, we had discussed our sexual histories.  You know as most people do, and for both of us, there were a couple of little blips on the radar, not actual serious risky behavior.  But a few things that were well… worth looking into… if you know what I mean.  Chuckle, anyway I insisted that he get tested before coming to Taiwan, you know because I’m bossy.   All the while hoping the idea that I should get tests might slip his mind…. Because.. I hates the coochie doctor.  I hates him/her so much that the last time I went to get a pap and fully battery of tests… I never went back to get the results.  LOL.  Plus they disappeared and I didn’t know where they had moved to (weee problem solved as I didn’t want to go anyway).

Well it turns out that they had moved closer to the hospital, or so Tracey told me.  Poop.  Anyway about a week before Regis arrived he mentioned that he got his results back, all clean.  And then he asked me about if I had been tested recently, and didn’t I think I should probably get tested too?  SULK.

So I went to the vajaja doctor, got my results from last time… nothing interesting according to the doctor.  And was retested… Had to suffer through a seriously wooogy feeling for the whole rest of the day… bleh I shudder to think of it even now.  And then follows, the mental parade of every sexual partner ever. Because you know, past tests might have missed something from years ago, and what about toilet seats, and sharing drinks and… spiral of ridiculous panic.  Pierced now and then by the little voice that insists everything is fine.  I swear the day before I went to go get the results, I was a secret wreck.  But I went in, and there was no icky chair to sit in, my pap was normal and they handed my STD results with the comment everything looks normal.  As the doctor is going down the list telling me what all the little codes are for, all in blue….  I notice one is in red… HOLD on a minute.

Red is bad, RED??  Why is it red.  The doctor is all, oh it’s nothing… anyway this is.  HANG ON… why is it red.  It’s a positive result…. wtf???  What in god’s name did I test positive for?????

Stupid oral herpies.  Hence the doctor was like it doesn’t matter, I’ve probably had it my whole life and it’s never showed on a test because they usually don’t even bother testing for it.  And the results were a very faint positive result.  I was still completely floored, I mean I’ve heard that it can piggy back on the chicken pox virus and that most people who have had chicken pox will test positive for oral herpies.  But still.  I’ve never even had a cold sore.  The doc pointed out they only come out when you’re immune system is low, you’re tired sick ect… been there… done that.  Still never had a cold sore.  Grumble.

When I bitch about it, I’m told that everyone in my family that has ever been tested for it has tested positive….. chuckle but only my aunt and cousin get cold sores.

Oh well, at least I only seem to carry the virus, doesn’t effect me. But that line of red on the test kinda bugs me.  Sulk.

Why I’ll never be a Yogi

Well for starters I fucking hate yoga… ok that’s a little strong …. but i honestly don’t like doing it…. And while I do have some very cool yogi friends, I find them to be the exception to the annoying hippy rule.

So why this vauguely cunty post? lol It was just something I was pondering while skittering around on the black ice and feeling the burning in my lungs bc I’m a pussy and a have stupid little lung problems that prevent me from breathing nicely in the cold.   IT causes me all kinds of fun lung pain to run in the cold, not to mention trying to sort clothes to wear (I’d like to point out that it’s only like minus 2, I know wussie)… plus there is the pure thrill of running a road that randomly has patches of invisible ISANELY slippery ice.. good times

Add in the fact that the majority of drivers here react to a runner on the road like city folk react to a black bear on the side of the road, ie stupidly… why in gods name would I venture outside and go for a run?  I spent all this money and this yoga mat…   And there is a wall of windows with sun streaming in… perfect…

Yet .. it seems I’d actually rather torture myself that do the damn yoga.    Don’t get me wrong , like most exercise when you force yourself to ‘get out’ and do it… you feel good, at least when you’re done.  But yeah I just haven’t been able to force myself to pull out the matt, I react to it mentally like a petulant little child… internally pouting, stomping and shouting ‘don’t wanna’….

So much so that I went out today.. skittering about on the ice.. and am sitting on the couch still nursing my ouchy lungs ( like what do you do for THAT??) And all I can think is… gee I hope it warms up soon so I can go running like everyday… and force myself to do yoga… 2-3 times a week.

So yeah…. I’ll never be a yogi….  but it does make me appreciate the love hate love relationship I have with running:  and the hate love hate I have for biking, if only I could get over my hate hate hate relationship with swimming perhaps I could actually do a triathlon one day…

That is all, and now back to your regularly scheduled programming.

Taiwan and the New Boy (prt 2)

Continuing from last time, He arrived.  It was a little nerve wracking, but also exciting and cool.   I wish I could give you a more blow by blow of the following weeks and months, but honestly the details are all a little blurry to me.

I can tell you that he’s a really nice guy, like freakishly so, but not without his fault.  He gets a little bossy sometimes, which caused a bit of conflict.  But honestly, most of our issues and conflicts stemmed … actually I guess it’s stem, from communication problems.  Either we’d misunderstand something language wise, or it would just be one of those difference communication styles that sometimes clash.  But usually after a little tiff, snippiness or irritation, we’d walk away and then come back later and both be all apologies and sorrys.

Actually something I totally recall thinking at one point, was that I wasn’t all gooey and doe eyed.  That at no point did I think everything is perfect and yay I adore you.  And I couldn’t decide if it was due to my being older and not lame and doe eyed.. or is it because everything is deeply flawed so much that it pierces the beginning of a relationship glow?  I worried about that idly in the back of my mind for a while, but I decided that it was more because of being a grown up.  It’s more that I have my eyes more open than I have in the past, or at least that’s what seems to be true as time goes on.

Anyway, sometime before the end of the second month, I was sure that I really enjoyed spending time with him but I was equally certain that I wasn’t sure enough about our relationship to be in anyway ready to give up and leave my life behind.  Not yet anyway, a couple of months together just wasn’t enough for me to give up 10 years of my life, know what I mean?   I wanted, needed more time.   But what to do?

I had originally thought about running away and going traveling after Chinese new year, but then I realized that it wasn’t very fiscally responsible.  I mean I had borrowed some money to pay off the balance of my Credit card and paying a set amount of interest.  And by Chinese New Year I would have saved more than enough money to pay off all of my debt, debt free.  Not something that I was really expecting to see this side of 40.

But now there is this great guy who dropped everything to try to see where things could go with us.  I want to know too, so I thought about taking a semester off of work.   Good idea, bad? Was the timing right, I hemmed and hawed.  I mean I was about to be debt free, and if I went to Europe now that would mean going straight back into debt.  But then again looking for work in the summer, is much better than any other time… and I can’t be certain that I will have a job when I get back.  EEK

…..  To be continued.   😉

What to say? (prt 1)

See here’s the problem, it’s been so long and so much has happened, but at the same nothing has really happened so I have no idea what to say.  Everything seems like an irrelevant detail just by virtue of being old information to me.

And before you get all up in arms about how it’s all new info to you, think that I have talked to some people at points about one thing or the other… le sigh. Plus all I want to talk about at this second is my new love Mr computer… lol such a techno whore.

Well I guess I’ll just go back and look at the last thing I wrote and then wrack my swiss cheese memory for details from then (I have time and nothing else to do because I’m sitting in the lazer clinic waiting to wait some more for the shortest procedure ever… the lazering itself take.. 5? 10? minutes but the waiting, and then the waiting to wait etc takes fucking hours..  Stupid.

Ha so I just went back and looked … no wonder everyone is so grouchy.. not a personal post in yonks.. But in all fairness just before Regis arrived I was yapping on the phone to anyone who would listen to me… lol so I felt like I had communicated a lot. Hmmm Regis decided to come back to Taiwan because he wanted a chance to try to see if there was any possibility with us and I decided that it was ok, because while I am a coward he really was doing the hard part.

The weeks leading up to his arrival were fun with the anticipation but I really didn’t know what to be expecting.  Then he arrived, I took the afternoon off to go meet him at the airport and I was fine until waiting for him to come through security, then I was basically standing there trying to look pretty and not panicked.   Once he actually arrived it was a little weird but significanly less scary than I thought.

The language issue was and still is a problem, but from day one it wasn’t as bad as I had envisioned.

This ends part one……

tee hee

Ps… the lazer clinic blogging ended pretty much as soon as it happened because the chick dragged me in the other room.

Daddy Issues

Sometime I make jokes about having daddy issues but all the wrong kind.  Well at least the wrong kind to make me be the kind of girl that makes guys swoon over the daddy issue.  Mine don’t push me to be a stripper or hooker or any of the other silly things that other people seem to think that having daddy issues get you.

Having had some time to think about it.. everyone has daddy issues in one way or another.  It’s just  a fact of life.

Mine are of a slightly different flavour, and recently I had an interesting thought or observation on the same topic.  So what’s my deal?  Well I’m sorta daddy free, I grew up without him in my life and I didn’t meet him until I was an adult.  To be honest I don’t think I was missing much, I am not very fond of him and because I didn’t grow up with him I don’t have the tolerance for his garbage.  It’s a lot different when you have history with someone, you’re much more likely to put up with them and their crap or craziness.  But if you just meet them one day and they annoy the hell out of you and have all these expectations on you… well why  would you stick around?

This is not to say I didn’t grow up with strong male figures in my life, I wasn’t actually raised in a single parent home… more like a three or more parent home.  My mom and I lived with my aunt and uncle for more than a year when I was little, my mom’s brother (other uncle) was in and out of the picture  around then too.   Then my mom moved to Smithers with her parents, so for most of my life I grew up with three parents, my mom, grandma and grandpa…  The Aunt and Uncle I lived with came out every year… my other uncle lived with us all on and off for years.

So I basically had two moms and like 2-3 dads.  Or three halfs.. which still adds up to more than one :D.  Score!  Anyway, clearly this all adds up to daddy issues of a sort.  What it really means in the grand scheme of things I have no idea.. but it brought up an interesting question for me.

Have you ever noticed that most people tend to date versions of their parents?  Not in a creepy sense, but just aspects of their relative’s personalities.  Honestly reflect on your dating persp

Oh, you have got to be kidding me…

God damn it… I’ve been bamboozled, tricked, bloody well girl-ed.  We all know women are evil, conniving… tricky creatures.  I’ve never been one for the game myself, I tend to be be too impatient to play the game.  Often to my detriment  really… if I were better at being patient or the whole subtle manipulation game.. I’d prolly have gotten my way more often in the past (tho in the long run it’s probably been for the best).

Well  I’ve just realized that I’ve totally been girl-ed … lol.. I would be pissed but it’s just so damn amusing.   Plus it’s not necessarily a bad thing.  I just kinda can’t believe I didn’t see it.

Someone, those of you in the know already know who, has been putting up a certain amount of resistance and making arguments to the contrary but ultimately has been agree with me.  Or even when they haven’t been agreeing with me, they have at least conceded to my point.  Expressing that while they might not agree with my point or perspective, they can see my point and will go along with xy or z.     Telling me that they would like, it a different way but they will go along with my way.

Ha.. I win.. excellent as it should be.  And I didn’t need to use trickery or any of the like to get it either.  Tralala….  I can do whatever I want, regardless of what that means.  😀

But somehow.. I’ve been completely manipulated into a corner.. and the most obnoxious part? I don’t even really mind.. that’s the part that really chaps my ass.  Not only did  I get snaked  into a situation that I very clearly said I didn’t want to be in, it’s one that I actively disagree with.  In general and in principal…. yet… balls.  Here I am.

I have been completely womaned…. They agreed with me every step of the way…. and somehow they have gotten their way. Completely.

Son of a Bitch… maybe I should really consider this technique for myself… it’s bloody effective.  😀

So amused that I’m a complete and utter failure to my sex. GRIN

Protected: Transparency (ask for password)

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password:

Yay

It’s official, November 4th 🙂

Protected: For Becky

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password:

Friends in Town

As you all know Tracey is here for the summer, and it’s obviously got it’s ups and downs but ultimately.. who doesn’t want their best friend to be around?

We’re both more Independence than back in the day which is good.. but sometimes I almost miss the sad little co-dependent ways of the past.  If for no other reason than it was fun 😛

Also Ray just got into town last night and again… this is the one thing I miss living here.. really awesome old friends…  it’s just so nice having people around who already know and love you in spite of and sometimes because of your shit.  You don’t have to put on any pretenses, it’s just nice.

Sigh.. and again.. my life her would be perfect if I had a delightful relationship here and could import some if not all of my bestest friends… (including bestest family) and if I”m being honest I’m shamefully trying to import them all.. genuinely shamelessly working on this… le sigh

I have to go to work this morning (sux wish I had just taken it off..) but totally looking forward to a great weekend off hanging out with Ray and Tracey!