It’s so obvious that you’re an only child

8 04 2012

You totally have only child syndrome. Why? Why is it obvious?  Actually, I have a brother and a couple of sisters, though I wasn’t raised with them.  I’ve always thought that this psychoanalysis of my personality was annoying and rude, but I never really bothered to look into it.  Well now I find it even more obnoxious, because neither have any of the people who fucking say it to me clearly.  It’s just something that they think they know about but clearly are just spouting out of their asses.  Making assumptions based on my personality traits, in no way taking into consideration my upbringing or family.

Sure I exhibit some of the traits of an only child, I was raised alone.. but at the same time in crucial points in my development I was living with other kids, my cousins for example.

 

So what has gotten bug in my ass about this now?  It’s not like people are coming up to me right now and making these asinine statements or at least not with any kind of regularity.  Well for one, I work with kids of all ages and have for about 10 years, so I’m going to go right ahead and say I feel pretty confident of the insight into kids behavior I have acquired over the years.  And plus, I’m part time living with a 2 year old ( not the most charming of creatures most of the time) who is an only child, and a wee bit spoiled (mom and grandma dote ).  Of course you have to factor in that he is only two… and some of that ‘charm’ is just the delights of the age… and truth be told, over all he’s a pretty nice kid.

 

So on to only children… I took this from an article online “Many of the negative attitudes towards only children are based on the following view that only children are:

  • Over indulged
  • Require constant attention
  • Are selfish – and put their needs first
  • Expect their needs to be instantly gratified
  • Fear independence and leaving home
  • Can’t empathize with others as their world revolves around themselves – in psychological terms narcissistic.

 

The Only Children I’ve known have all pretty much matched the clichés about children who had no siblings. Spoiled, bratty, self-centred, selfish, an odd sense of entitlement, difficult to get along with plus a tendency to say inappropriate things that are rude and ill-mannered. Yet being extremely hyper-sensitive and brittle about even the most remotely critical remark going in their direction.

 

Seriously… and people refer to me as having only child syndrome.. have they met me?

 

Over indulged… hardly, I learned from a young age that you can’t have everything because you can’t afford it.  I earned my own money even as a little kid, I never had an allowance, I was paid for specific tasks that were my jobs.  I didn’t work, I didn’t get shit.

 

Require constant attention… ok.. well you’ve got me there I am an attention whore.. but so is my sister and my nephew, neither of whom were raised as only children… I’m calling in genetics and the common demominator here… Hell even if mom claims it skipped her.. My grandma.. champion attention whore.. my aunt, my uncle.. terrible.. a thousand times worse than me … none of them only children.  So I’m going to have to call that a family trait.

 

Selfish… sure .. now.  I’ve been working on being selfish and taking care of myself first for years, and I still kind of suck at it.  I care about my people, and I would go to the moon and back to help them if I could.  I wrote a huge email to a friend of mine about learning to be selfish as an armor, a way to protect yourself from the hurts because no one else is going to look out for you, not before themselves.  So.. going to say no there too.

 

Expect their needs instantly gratified… ok sure.  But, lol honestly? In this day and age.. you show me someone that doesn’t apply to and I’ll show you a Tibetan monk or something of the like.  EVERYONE these days is ridiculous about the instant gratification…. Think it doesn’t apply to you? When did you last check, your facebook/email/phone for replies to things …. Mmmmhmmm that’s what I thought.  I don’t even know that it’s all that bad.. I mean especially for those of is overseas…. Facebook and the like are how we keep in touch and connected to those far away from us.  (speaking from recent experience, I never realized how hard it is being so far from family and friends when you can’t easily contact them).

 

Fear independence and leaving home… I’m just going to shake my head and chuckle here.

 

Can’t empathize with others… right.  Common complaint about me.. oh wait no.  Meanwhile I’m all teary bc people around me are sad or stressed, but I lack empathy.. eye roll.  I wish (sometimes)

 

I will admit my feelings are pretty easily hurt and it might be a symptom of being an only child, but I personally think it has more to do with the peer abuse I took all through my school years.  That left some ugly scars that still come out to bite me from time to time even today.

 

Interestingly, another thing I read said ”  “People articulate that only children are spoiled, they’re aggressive, they’re bossy, they’re lonely, they’re maladjusted,” she said. “There have been hundreds and hundreds of research studies that show that only children are no different from their peers.”[8] Similarly, a popular belief is held that only children have aversive social skills, and therefore a harder time making friends. Based on a 2004 study of American middle and high school students, such beliefs were confirmed false.”

 

NAH…. Take that.

 

The thing that really got my goat, was that the one thing that most people use as their clinching proof that I am maladjusted because I was raised as an only child.  Is never mentioned, in any of the studies or articles I read (ok some I just skimmed but still).  What is this illustrious issue?  The fact that I really don’t like other people messing with my shit.  Turns out, and I’ve always said this, that has nothing to do with it.  It’s like mentioning the price of tea in china as evidence as to why my shoes are dirty.  What the fuck.  Dumb asses.  You want to know why I am so possessive of wait for it… my possessions?  Well one, their fucking mine and I value them, probably because they were either a gift or I worked hard to get them.  And two, I was raised that way.  When I was a wee little kid, my mom taught me, this is mine that is yours.  If it’s not yours, don’t touch it without asking.  Even now, I feel a little stab of guilt if I touch anything of someone’s without express permission even if I KNOW they don’t mind and I’m completely allowed.  And if they are there, I’ll probably ask again, just in case.  It’s not that I’m not willing to share, I’d let almost anyone use or share almost anything of mine, as long as they asked nicely… but don’t waltz into my room and just take it.  And then when I’m like.. dude what the fuck.. don’t pull that only child bullshit out.  Hell I think having siblings and being forced to fucking share EVERYTHING makes you way more MINE MINE MINE than being an only child does.

 

In conclusion, people are stupid.  That is all.  😀  ß– lol that last line .. completely made my day.

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