House of Cards.

It’s the stupidest thing, but I completely fell apart this evening.  After the frustration over the kid (who is must have some survival sense and is being quite nice), money, no internet at all, not even the ghetto phone stealing internet, problems with my credit card (which I now don’t have at all.. I have to wait 2-4 days for them to courier a new one to me), nothing ever open, and the stress of the future of my relationship (I’m trying hard to cross that bridge when I come to it, but people keep pointing and saying look at that.. whatcha going to do about that… jesus.. leave it).  I still managed to hold it all together, other than a little teary moment at his mom’s house.  We went over there to use the internet to pay the SFR bill to get everything connected, and as I mentioned in my last post their stupid website wouldn’t accept his, my or his mom’s card.  Which is completely insane, as all three cards work everywhere else. 

 

So what’s the straw that broke the camel’s back?  What is it that had me sobbing for hours, completely inconsolable? It’s so fucking retarded that I’m embarrassed all to hell… but it was my iPod.  Just as we were leaving his mom’s house, the stupid thing slipped out of my pocket ( I was sitting in a low chair) and hit the ground.. I thought nothing of it as it only dropped about a foot… maybe a little more but not by much.  I’ve dropped the thing a million times.. always my heart in my throat and nothing it’s fine… Well today had to be the day… you know the only day that I couldn’t handle any more bad news.  The fucking thing smashed all to shit.  One corner is completely fucked and there are shatter and spider lines over more than a 1/3 of the screen.  The only thing holding it all together and keeping tiny shards of glass from falling all over and slicing me to bits is the screen protector sticker thingies.

 

Now in the grand scheme of things.. it totally sucks, but it’s really not that big of a deal… it’s going to cost me some coin to get the glass replaced and that hurts.  But it’s not like it’s gone, or actually broken.  Honestly it’s fine, everything works.. it’s just the glass is broken and it looks ghetto.  (if not for the plastic cover it would be dangerous and slice the fuck out of my hand.. but even that’s not a problem).  But seriously, I have no internet, and I read… I dunno, like a book every day or two.  And now the screen is all smashed so reading sucks.  Plus.. I hate it when my things are jacked.  I get completely heartbroken every time I look at it, but I don’t really have anything else to look at.  Talk about a cycle of poo.  Then every time I look at it, I feel like crap (which is clearly just the outlet for all my other stress and stuff) but I think “hey buck up, it’s not that big of a deal” then I wonder how much it’ll cost to fix.  Because knowing the details makes me feel like I can handle things, but then I realize I can’t look it up online or contact apple to find out.  Then I think, well I could just call… oh no.. I can’t even call a friend to cheer myself up…. Downward spiral.  I give myself a little mental slap, blow my nose, pick up my iPod to read my book…cue beginning of the spiral again.  I was such a wreck that Regis tried to comfort me, but you know how that goes.. you’re falling apart, someone is kind and you lose it even more.  Lol

So he took my iPod away from me, so I’d stop looking at it.  That helped me distance myself from how silly I was being.  Then I went for a walk, because I’d left it too late to go for a run, and I really wasn’t feeling up to it but according to my challenge I need to do something.  Actually it was good, I feel a lot better now.

 

But man, today has just not been my day… it’s only 830 and I kind of want to cut my losses and just go to bed….  Tomorrow will be a new day, a better day.  Even if I have to beat the day all the hell and force it to be .. it’ll do my bidding and be good, damnit.

 

Now if only I could post this bad boy.. but I can’t.. sigh.