If only I could just ‘settle down’ and want what most people want. Perhaps we’re all doomed to secretly long for something we don’t or can’t have, I don’t really believe that. But I also don’t think it should be this complicated or difficult. 
Le sigh.
Seriously though, while out I was thinking how much simpler my life would be if I wanted the things that I am ‘supposed’ to want. Such as: kids, a husband, a house with a yard and garage, a normal settled down family life.… yadda yadda. The whole prospect bores me to tears. I genuinely dislike children, and honestly in spite of those who go on about biological clocks, as I get older I’m even less enchanted with rug rats. I freely admit I like kids in certain doses, but it seems I also like it if it’s regulated like with teaching. I’m disgustingly fond of the majority of my students, but just hanging out all day with people’s kids drives me bananas… Like here for example, because I’m often the girl in the group the kids usually come to me and yammer at me in French. What? Hu? Don’t bloody mumble… no you can’t use my computer, which I have already told you 15 times. God what do you want now… I don’t know where your damn toys are go look for them yourself. Oh so go to the car and get them… why the hell do I have to go with you.. turn on the light.. or how about ask your father… yes that guy over there … JESUS WHAT DO YOU WANT NOW… go away… You know I think most old people are just pretending to be deaf so they don’t have to listen to you. (lol none of this is my boyfriend’s kid, he’s a whole different can of worms).
I do not want kids. Let me repeat that for the slow among you. I do not … in anyway want to procreate, rip my bits asunder having a baby, just to be tied… pretty much forever to someone who I may grow to hate. That’s another thing I don’t get… people usually think long and hard before getting married, well some do anyway. But they don’t give it’s a moment’s thought before having a kid with someone. Um hello, at least with marriage if it turns out to be a grievous error you can get a divorce, hell even in countries like Malta, where divorce doesn’t exist, you just move out and on with your life. You don’t have to look back, or have interactions, or even have that person in your life. Have a kid with someone… and you’re strapped to that train for the entire life of your child.. or at least until they’ve reached the age of majority (and want nothing to do with their parents anymore anyway). Think about it, it’s like entering an completely binding contract with someone, no matter how much you hate or despise them for a minimum or 16-18 years… does this not horrify anyone else? That should use that as a birth control device…
Sorry, side rant end.
Bleh, basically I’m just reflecting on the complexity of my own life and happiness. Don’t get me wrong, life is good and I’m happy (mostly) which is probably more than most people can say. I guess I conform a little in that I wouldn’t hate a house, or getting married (though the thought of dropping $10,000 on a dress for one day.. completely blows my mind… even if I had all the money in the world.. I still wouldn’t do it.. retarded…I would totally go to the store and try that shit on though…. :D). But the rest of it.. gag. I was going down the street thinking about how this life that I could have, living in rural france beautiful countryside etc.. or go home to Canada same deal. Is right there.. I could have it. I could marry my boyfriend and life happily ever after, or until I slit my throat.
Lol, ok well I just said that for dramatic effect. But ‘settling down’ as it were just doesn’t seem to appeal to me.. I want to say not yet anyway … but I don’t see the wanderlust dying out anytime soon. The funny thing is I don’t even like moving around, hell I’ve lived in the same apartment in Taipei for 7 years because I hate to move (and it’s awesome). But I like being able to, I like being able to wander off and play.
Honestly, I don’t remember where this was going, lol and I’m sweaty and need a shower from my run. So I’ll just go ahead and post this.. perhaps more will come to me later.
Magdalicious ... A life better lived 
Personally, I think people get their knickers in a knot way to easily on this topic. Human nature dictates we are supposed to, as animals, want to procreate. Ya, well, we’ve evolved in so many other areas, who’s to say some of us have not evolved in this one?
So, in conclusion, you can run with two theories. One being that you are more evolved than most, and have bypassed the animalistic urge to procreate. Or two, you are a FOFN (Freak of Fucken Nature) who lives the honey badger life of “not giving a shit” and why WHY does that have to be perceived as a negative?
(in case there is any doubt, I think you are a FOFN… but then, I’m your sister, and I think I’m genetically geared to think that way. Having said that, I also would choose not to have kids if I had to do it all over again, simply because I enjoy the empty nest freedoms and frankly find children’s intrusiveness annoying as fuck.)
Let me start with, you’re awesome. LOL though I’m not sure why I don’t get to me more evolved than others.. or at least a little of both.. chuckle, bitch. No wait.. I like the whole living the life of the honey badger who doesn’t give a shit…
RIGHT… why is it a problem… everyone once in a while social pressures of what is normal or right get to me.. and then one of my peeps ( seems usually you mom or Trace) gives me a little verbal slap and is like.. wtf.. you wanna be like them? Sulk, well no.. well then.. why do you care.. and since when do you care anyway? Oh yeah.. yay wags mental tail.
It’s interesting and oddly comforting to hear that if you had to do it all over again, you would choose no kids. (which to be clear I am 100% clear on in no way reflects on the love you have for your children, but that you can side step it and look at it all logically, which so many people can’t do or don’t want to and get all up in arms). It really validates that I’m not retarded or that there is something seriously wrong with me, which is what the vast majority of people try to make me feel. (I tell the to sod off, but it kinda gets to you, you know?)
And super interestingly, after this post and talking to some people about how one ‘friend’ of mine said this, (you and your comment here) several of them have looked shifty and said if they were telling the gods honest truth, they don’t regret their kids, and the love them, couldn’t imagine life without them yadda yadda… but down to the wire.. do it again.. and they probably wouldn’t. Of course they all acted like they were committing the crime of the century by admitting this, and only said it because someone else did first. But wow, it’s interesting. And very heartening… (is that even a word?) for me. I mean I am, even more so now, confidant that I am making the right choices for me.. but it gets hard sometimes.. going against the flow (but I tell yeah it’s a heck of a lot more fun)
It’s tough going against the flow for SURE! I’ve been doing it the last 2 years in Canada, but it was so tiring being verbal about it, I’ve just shut my yap, smile and nod when people talk about their dogs or the weather and secretly count the minutes until I can blow this Popsicle stand. I think Canada is beautiful, but this whole “you should want a. b. c. and you are “successful” if you have these things” makes me want to blow my own brains out!