Daddy Issues

Sometime I make jokes about having daddy issues but all the wrong kind.  Well at least the wrong kind to make me be the kind of girl that makes guys swoon over the daddy issue.  Mine don’t push me to be a stripper or hooker or any of the other silly things that other people seem to think that having daddy issues get you.

Having had some time to think about it.. everyone has daddy issues in one way or another.  It’s just  a fact of life.

Mine are of a slightly different flavour, and recently I had an interesting thought or observation on the same topic.  So what’s my deal?  Well I’m sorta daddy free, I grew up without him in my life and I didn’t meet him until I was an adult.  To be honest I don’t think I was missing much, I am not very fond of him and because I didn’t grow up with him I don’t have the tolerance for his garbage.  It’s a lot different when you have history with someone, you’re much more likely to put up with them and their crap or craziness.  But if you just meet them one day and they annoy the hell out of you and have all these expectations on you… well why  would you stick around?

This is not to say I didn’t grow up with strong male figures in my life, I wasn’t actually raised in a single parent home… more like a three or more parent home.  My mom and I lived with my aunt and uncle for more than a year when I was little, my mom’s brother (other uncle) was in and out of the picture  around then too.   Then my mom moved to Smithers with her parents, so for most of my life I grew up with three parents, my mom, grandma and grandpa…  The Aunt and Uncle I lived with came out every year… my other uncle lived with us all on and off for years.

So I basically had two moms and like 2-3 dads.  Or three halfs.. which still adds up to more than one :D.  Score!  Anyway, clearly this all adds up to daddy issues of a sort.  What it really means in the grand scheme of things I have no idea.. but it brought up an interesting question for me.

Have you ever noticed that most people tend to date versions of their parents?  Not in a creepy sense, but just aspects of their relative’s personalities.  Honestly reflect on your dating perspective… think on your type.. are there certain personality traits that you are attracted to over and over again?

Most of my friends have commented that even though the people they date are different in many ways, on some level they seem to be dating the same person over and over again.  That when you dig a little deeper, that they often have some common thread.  Or if you step back.. you can see a pattern.

Interesting… while a friend and I were chatting about it all..  She was telling me the main traits.. the ones that all these guys have had that she finds attractive.

They ultimately, she meets guys who she should be interested in (they seem to meet all the criteria) but they are missing one of the primary elements, she’d even thought about it enough to narrow it down.  She’d even identified them, and while she was describing them to me… it dawned on me.  Hey dude… doesn’t that sound like anyone you know… ?

I swear, it’s her frickin’ dad… I mean not really but when she busted it down to the bare bones of every guy she’s ever dated..  I swear to you.. all the same guy.  Now it’s not like I’m the first person to make that observation… I mean 3 seconds on google turned up this… [ See even CNN says it] not a bad read actually.

Honestly it kinda makes sense, I mean our type or the traits that we are randomly attracted to aren’t things we actively think about or seek out… so where do they come from?  It would totally make sense that we would unconciously mimic or seek out the relationships that we saw as children.

This also would  explain something about me, why I don’t seem to have a type.. how I seem to bounce around completely alternate types of relationships, traits and men.  People are always asking me what I’m looking for in a guy and I can’t for the life of me pin it down myself. I’m also very malleable, in the kind of guy I can date.  I mean look at my ex’s  the big ones.. Petr, Mike, Eric, Casey…. all completely different, not a damn thing in common.  They’re so different that trying to find anything to compare and contrast about them, feels almost insulting like mention that one of them was more educated makes the others sound stupid or the fitness level or one or two make the others fat or unhealthy… bizarre.  But really they are nothing a like, the only common thread they have (and Mike is even kinda exempt from this) is they in the end (in my eyes at least) were shitty to me.  Or at least the common thread is it didn’t work out… but that’s hardly a personality pattern… anyone who knows even just two of them can attest that they are completely alternate people.

It’s almost as though I keep trying on completely different styles looking for one that suits me.. and every time I seem to alter or meld into it.. and it’s PERFECT.  Sigh but allas it isn’t.

So I wonder.. I do have a type that I find attractive, but my boyfriends haven’t even all fallen into that category….  I’ve dated outside of the type…   I even shirk away from traits that are too much like the ‘last guy’…

Is it another ‘daddy issue’ if you will?  Do I not have that solid type, because I don’t have a dad?  Because I grew up with several stable male influences in my life, but none so steady or interacted with my mother that I just didn’t pick one up?  Curious…. I’d love to read or see a study on this topic.  Do kids from single parent homes, who didn’t have the other parent have a type?  Or do they just meander around and tend to more meld to different types looking for an interesting match?