So What Is It Then?

I’ve been thinking about it… and this whole being specific about what you want is.. well to put it frankly .. bull shit.

I have thought about it lately.  And recently I had an epiphany.

At the urging of several people I know, authors I respect, just trying to figure things out etc.  and a while back I wrote this post [Dear Universe] trying to detail what it is I want.  The other day I was thinking about it… and I realized everything I wrote was total BS, I mean sure these things may or may not be important to me but is it really, I mean REALLY what I want?

Sure, but to be honest when I wrote it, I was grasping at straws.  I didn’t know what to write so I forced myself to write something.  Everything says you need to be as specific as you can, and I tried to do that, but the reality is specific doesn’t mean shit if it isn’t right.   It was right, it is true.. but is it what  I really want?

I wrote another post about [getting what you want] which honestly when I went back a read it, I thought damn this girl knows what she’s talking about.  (Isn’t that a fricken laugh).  Well remember step one?  Yeah.. making lists about things you kinda maybe want because you need to make the list isn’t really the same as figuring out what you want.

Holy crap… it’s not?

No, it’s not.

I do have to say it probably opens the right doors on the inside, to help you figure it out.. and it’s a sight lot better than doing sweet fuck all.  But the reality is, expecting results from half efforts is a little silly.

I recently decided all of this must be out of my control.  I’ve done everything that I’m willing to do, I tried changing my outlook, attitude and a million other things. I’ve done everything short of moving home.  If I’ve done xyz and still nadda, then this isn’t my bloody fault.  That and one of my friends was giving me shit for thinking there was something wrong with myself.  There is something to be said for NOT taking responsibility for everything, at least when it comes to your own sanity and happiness.  Don’t know what I’m talking about?  Go take a look at what [Dan Gilbert] has to say on the subject of happiness.

Blah blah blah… the point is I wrote that post ages ago.  But suddenly it occured to me that what I really want is to be spoiled.  To have someone who wants nothing more than to adore me,  spoil me, and appreciate how great I am.   The funny thing is, I always knew that… it just didn’t seem right to admit it.  Like it was wrong or messed up to want to be spoiled, but if I can’t be honest with my self.. well I think the rest of that thought is pretty obvious.  So there, I thought it all clear, I admitted it to myself and now I’m admitting to everyone else.  I want to be spoiled ROTTEN.  I’ve always been spoiled, it’s never made me shitty kid, or a person.  Getting what I want has actually made me a rather bubbly happy bunny.  I like being spoiled, and I like spoiling the people I care about.

I also want someone who will want to make me feel special and wonderful.  Note I didn’t say I need someone to make me feel special and wonderful.  I dont’ need it, but no matter what you need or don’t need it sure doesn’t hurt for people to remind you from time to time how special you are to them.

Think about it, do you remember when someone made you feel super special, loved, fantabulous? I know I do.  I can list them like it happened yesterday, the you’re some kinda wonderful text, a conversation with my sister, an email my friend Sarah wrote… to name a few.  And they warm my wee lil’ heart like nothing else.  So much so that I try to write notes, make calls, send emails etc to let someone here and there know they are awesome.  And just so you know, if you’ve never done it… it’s harder than you think.. but oooh so worth it.

Oh I’ve rambled enough for tonight, I know this was all over the place, 😀 get over it.