Marriage is NOT a Band-aid!

3 10 2009

I spent years telling people I didn’t believe in Marriage, and that was never entirely true.  I don’t believe in the INSTITUTION of marriage.  That paper, doesn’t mean crap to me, the legalities, whatever.  But the commitment?  The sanctity of the relationship?  I do believe in that.

To be frank, the levity with which people enter into marriage offends me sometimes.  Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t think there is anything wrong with ending a relationship that isn’t working, getting a divorce etc.  But I do think that getting married doesn’t change the commitment you make to someone.   In my opinion you can make that same commitment without actually getting married. And if you make a commitment, stick to it, really work at it and then if nothing can be done to work things out, you’ve tried it all, then end it.  Not pft, I don’t like those curtains and the neighbor has a nice tush, grow up at least try.

Another thing that really bothers me, is how many people treat marriage and kids like a band-aid.  Marriage isn’t a bloody fix!!!  WTF.  My first serious boyfriend had a little cheating problem, well I guess he didn’t have a problem so much as an expertise in the field.  Once I realized what he was up to and finally confronted him about it, do you know what his solution to the problem was?  Well he loved me, so we should run away and elope. ???  Um, no.  Dude you’re cheating on me… His reply?  I swear to god he actually said this.  “If we get married I would stop cheating”, do I look like the dumbest person alive?

In the many years since I have wondered, how many girls and women have bought that line of BS?  I’m betting a lot, most women (go ahead and deny it ladies… I  have the inside track I know what’s up) want to be in a relationship, everyone wants to be loved.  The things people put up with in order to try to get that (men and women, don’t hide fella’s you’re often just as guilty as we are) boggles the mind at times.

‘Yeah but you’re ex was a total douche’ is what anyone who knew him would say.  And you know they are right, he was and probably still is, but that doesn’t change the situation.  He’s not the only guy I’ve been with that has tried to solve HUGE irreconcilable issues with marriage.  It’s happened a couple of other times, in a moment of desperation.  Now, honestly I can’t say one way or another if any of these situations would have gotten as far as an alter or an Elvis, as I laughed and shot these proposals down before they even took flight.

Perhaps it’s the sanctity of a real marriage a real commitment of two people that made me so offended.  Who knows exactly, but I was and am offended at how lightly some people jump into it.   How little thought people give to committing to another person.  Or that they think it will magically fix all their problems.   Really? Hell if you think that fixes things… you should have kids too I hear they make bitchin’ relationship band-aids (insert sigh and eyeroll here).

The ironic thing is, as I mentioned before,  I have little or not respect for the institution of marriage.  I think it’s a sham, via religion, government or what ever else.  I think there is nothing wrong with people marrying each other for business or legal reasons, visa’s etc.    As long as one party isn’t being tricked into thinking it’s all real.   Why not?  Who are you hurting? (but as I’ve said before I clearly don’t have much respect for the system).

I actually have more to say on this subject .. but that will wait for another post this is just about the frustration I feel over the stupid reasons some people get hitched.



4 responses

3 10 2009

Maggie, for the most part I agree with you. I was engaged once before I actually got married-not to the same person either-and I’ve had others who popped the question out of sheer desperation….usually to keep me from leaving them. And I agree, most people get married on a whim, for the wrong reasons, or to stay with someone even though they know it will never work…but there are some that do it for the real reason. Not for the piece of paper, which is only that. But because we honestly believe in love. Granted, I never felt that way about the guys I was with, but when I met Marie…..the piece of paper is just that. The ring that circles my finger, though…..every time I look at it, I feel a connection and commitment that I can’t even begin to describe. Legally, I am a gay married statistic… my heart, I am forever bonded to a person that I will share my life, my home and my dreams with. As negative as marriage can be, there is hope that it can still be what it was meant to be. Even if you have to view it from outside of the box. Hugs, Jo-Anna.

3 10 2009

🙂 yay I agree it’s all about the commitment you make, which has nothing to do with the legality!

4 10 2009

The other bandaid solution that drives me yonkers is having a baby together. Sure, things are shitty, so adding another responsibility that takes focus away from a relationship that NEEDS to be focused on if it’s going to work? Really? Really???

4 10 2009

lol right because kids makes everything ALL better!!

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