Damned if You Do, and Damned if You Don’t.

24 09 2009

Do you ever feel like that?

I sure do.  Like no matter what you do, or how hard you try, you’re wrong.  You do xyz, no that’s wrong, why did you do that.  Don’t do that! Do yxz.  Ok, change things up, if xyz doesn’t work (and clearly it isn’t) then it makes sense let’s try a new thing.

Rolling rolling rolling, boom problem!  What the hell, why are you doing xyz??? This is stupid you should be doing xyz… seriously what are you thinking?

OK COME ON!!! I was just trying to do what you asked, to improve communication and get things moving in a more efficient and effective manner. And now you’re telling me I’m doing things wrong? This was your idea to fix the issue.  The least you could do is acknowledge the effort made.  Say, hey this isn’t working either, let’s try zxy.

It’s so very frustrating to try to do what someone is asking from you, and then to get berated for doing it.

At one time or another everyone has been subjected to this kind of circular logic in which you always seem to be wrong.  Whether it be at work, with friends, family, or in a relationship.

The trick is, don’t fall into the trap of getting frustrated, upset and feeling powerless.  You could just be Zen 禪 and all will be well in the universe, but I’m clearly not so good at that myself so I can hardly recommend it.  I supposed you could cut the situation or person out of your life, but you probably don’t want to do that (or you would have already).

So what to do?  Honestly, the only thing you can do is try to communicate clearly and try to resolve things.   Well that or just die of pure frustration but that doesn’t really seem like a kick ass course of action.

You could always hide under a pillow ;).



4 responses

24 09 2009

omg – I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN!!! Makes me want to curl up on the fetal position until it all goes away….. what can I say, the whole Zen thing doesn’t work for me, I’m much too emotional and easily frustrated 😀

24 09 2009

LOL!! Sing it sister!

25 09 2009

*shrug* There’s another of those examples of “other sister”. I work hard for the zen. If I can’t find it, I have a temper tantrum where noone can see, then approach them again from a calm collected place and have a discussion about what we need to change. If they are being retarded, I tell them that I am being solution oriented, and when they are feeling the same way, they can initiate a conversation with me. Until then, I’m not doing this. And I walk away.

Reality is, if you haven’t dumped them, then it’s vice versa, too. They don’t want to dump you either. So you have the freedom to say “I love who you are, but I’m not liking this communication we have happening right now, so I’ll be over here until we can get on the same page”.


Works in my head, anyways. It’s been a long time since I’ve had to confront anything like this. I am really good at manipulating conversations so they don’t go down that road. And the people I have in my life now are the ones that have made it through those trials and tribulations, and we know how to communicate with each other on delicate subjects without causing big fights. We know each other well enough to read between the lines and communicate more based on what we know the other person MEANS rather than on what they are saying (since we all have foot in mouth disease).

Age, experience and wisdom will prevail. Eventually. Keep working on the tools that it takes to get there.

25 09 2009
peggy vince

Some times you just need to stop. say what you can and if the other person is not into the relationship then stop, back up and give up. this sometimes the right thing to do. If the other person dose want to have the relashonship let them think of a new way for it to work. i have found that some times i have invested in a person and work like hell and the other person just finds fault dose not try any ideas to fix things because they do not really care. they just said they do, lip service with out action. it works every time just stop. if they do nothing then you have lost nothing

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