Drunk tastic

10 08 2009

so as some may have noted I was a total retard last Sat.. booo..

So after some thought I have worked out what happened, well ok I know what happened but while I was an ass and a jerk I shouldn’t have been as busted up about the whole thing as I was.  So what happened?  Well, Mel and i started drinking in the afternoon and it was all fun and games, we pretty much kept drinking on into the evening but slowly.  I had a happy little buzz going on, but when we got to Mel’s friend’s place I started to get drunk ity drunk.  I blame Melissa and her fireball whiskey (really shooters.. never a good idea).  Bah so I shot a ton of booze.. that was stupid.. I rapidly went from tipsy to Retarded.. and just kept getting dumber from there.

Stupid me.  I was an asshole.  But really, sorry and move on right?  I tried my best to hide it (didn’t rock at it though), but I was devastated.  Ok why? Because I was a tool? Meh I’ve been a tool before…  so what?  Well after some thought I worked it out.  I have only been wasted once (other than Sat) since ‘the incident’.  And I was hugely busted up that time too.  The incident for anyone who was wondering and hasn’t heard the story before, here are the Cole’s notes version.  After I came back from Brazil, I went to a club with some friends, got drugged, robbed, woke up on a mountain, climbing out of a ditch hallucinating ducks and water towers (i still think that part is fricken hilarious).  All joking aside, I have a very good attitude about it and it’s not a big deal.  But it is.  It scared the living hell out of me, it still does.  But it’s a deep down fear that only comes out to play sometimes.  Like the morning after I get stupidly drunk, I get very upset afraid and freak out on several levels.  My being an ass might also be related, not that it’s an excuse I just wonder.  The funny thing is, I don’t care if I loose control.  I’m just scared of fall down drunk, BUT I’m only really freaked the morning after.

The next day I was super upset, and stressed.. but lucky me that only lasted a few hours and then BOOM hang over.  Fuck me, that might be one of the worst hangover’s I have EVER had.. seriously.  I may have preferred death.. ok not death .. just one of those little 3 day comas or something.  I couldn’t even eat (so you know how bad it must have been, I can ALWAYS eat), Seriously I slept pretty much the whole day.  Yuck.

The issue isn’t the booze, the hangover or even people being mad at me.  It’s about the emotional torment i go through the next day.. that is very full of suck.  Usually I’m very conscious of how drunk I am and keep it from going to far, I guess I was just so excited to party in Toronto that I just lost my perspective, that an starting drinking so early meant that when we finally did go out I was disproportionally trashed.

C’est la Vie, live and learn.



2 responses

13 08 2009

So glad you are feeling better, sweets….. you are so right, you just have to learn from your mistakes and move on. Big hugs 😀 BTW about the incident – I don’t want to sound like a cheesehead but have you ever really TALKED to anyone about it, had a good cry about it and really gotten it off your chest? It is totally a big deal and worth you taking the time to deal with it. I’ve done the same thing, something horrid happens and I shrug it off, tell everyone “eh I’m fine” but inside it eats me up…. just want to be sure that you are truly okay. More hugs 😀

16 08 2009

Thanks, oh yeah I have talked about it. For the most part I think the whole thing is quite funny.. but it’s probably a coping technique. All I did was talk about it for weeks after it happened, but honestly I had to stop because most people couldn’t handle it… it didn’t really make me feel better to watch my friends look terrified and sick from fear of what could have been. I’m sure have some issues still but I’ll work ’em out eventually 🙂

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