I Thought You Wanted a Real Girl?

30 07 2009

Me in london 2009I can’t decide if this conversation I had with Jordy was enlightening or disheartening.  We were sitting around chatting over a bottle of wine and I mentioned my mom watching these TLC shows about brides, I think it was “rich bride poor bride”.  I know there are a lot of great people out there, and there are a lot of people who seriously suck, now perhaps I’m just super innocent or I choose to believe the best in people still after all these years, but I’m constantly shocked and disappointed by people.

Like the girls on these shows, the guys were mostly just normal guys and the girls… blew me away.  Bitches… psychotic horrible bitches.  And I’m sitting there thinking this girl is getting married, this guy is locking himself into that nut job… and I’m currently single?  Wtf?

I’m the first to admit that I haven’t actually been really available until just recently, and I know I could get loads of dates if I put my self out there a little more, but still Really?  Now if it was just the current timing and situation, whatever I’ve been very unavailable, but it’s not it’s a pattern I’ve seen over and over again in my adult life.  The really cool amazing girls, who would treat their men well and with respect, the perfect girlfriends, wildcats in the bedroom, love to cook, strong personalities but also love ‘taking care’ of their man.. these girls seems to be single most of the time.  Hello??  This has actually been less true for  me than some other people I’m friends with, I’ve usually been involved with someone, someone awful for me, oops my bad no more of that!  But I’m constantly running into these absolutely lovely men, who are stuck with C*&t whore bitches from hell?  Now, In one of my past relationships, I’m willing to bet it looked a little like that to some casual observers, so I get how things may not be as they seem.  He was terrible to me, and I fought back, I should have just left but I thought I was in love and wanted to make it work, so i get how people get there and  then end up sticking it out.

But how the hell do you get there in the first place?  My guy started sweet and changed slowly, is that how it is all the time?  So I asked Jordy, how is it that these bitches ALWAYS have a man… they suck, their boyfriend hates them a little yet???  Jordy told me… “dude… they fake being nice.. until the get you hooked and then they bust out the bitch, but by that time you’re in the relationship and it becomes a matter is she so bad that I want to ditch her?  The next one probably won’t be any better..  it’s the devil you know vs the one you don’t”  Hu..  So these girls just pretend to sweet nice, lovely in every way until they get a guy and poof.. that chick is gone?  WTF  I hate fake people.

Suddenly Jordy pipes up, “You know, the reason all these cool girls, like you, are single is because you’re real.  But they don’t know that, they think (from their  past experiences) you must be on your best best behavior so any little sarcastic comments or not perfect princess actions you make make them terrified of what you’re going to turn into a few month down the road.  If this is your best behavior, what’s the real you like?  shit, best not mess with this”

O.O   Seriously?  No that’s retar….  Fuck.  Now what?  So i could be one of those girls, play the game, be the perfect little girl until I trap someone and then I can be myself??  What is this the fucking 50’s?  That’s what my grandfather’s generation did and they all ended up hating each other.. stupid!

So now I’m faced with a dilemma, do I fake it?  Do I change for the sake of appearances to ‘get me a man’.  Fuck that.  I am all real, what you see is what you get, actually I’m better than what you see.  I’m silly, naughty, shy, and a million other things, I like ‘getting it on’ (a lot :D), And yes I’m one of those girls… I love to cook for my guy, I like to fetch a beer, I absolutely love doing things for my boyfriend.  If you treat me right, make me happy, remind me how pretty you think I am, thank me and appreciate what I do, show me you care…. I will be that girlfriend.  The one everyone wants.  I’m still me though, the same goofy, mouthy girl we all know and love (or hate.. 😉 ya’ll might read this too).

So where are they?  The people who appreciate a real girl?  One who’s not out to trick or trap you?  We do exist guys, I swear I know several of them personally, most of my friends are like this. I know I am so not interested in pretending to be your perfect princess to get you.. like me or don’t, but don’t freaking think that this is my best behaviour.. it’s not damn it.

I remember a conversation with my ex, (while we were together) because I was doing all kinds of things, like cooking  him lunch, meeting up in the park at night .. to hem.. ‘talk’ bringing him treats (just random crap he liked) etc.  He asked me ” hey is this all just woo-ing stuff, or are you going to always be this amazing?’  I remember laughing and saying as long as you keep me this happy, I will stay this amazing.  This is who I am, it’s what I do, it’s not a chore or a task I LOVE making you happy. He asked what he had to do to keep me happy, and I said just what you’re doing, occasional complements and appreciation of how awesome I am :).  And while that relationship didn’t work out, we’re still close, hell  he even said he’d write a reference letter for me.  Too bad that sort of thing isn’t real, wouldn’t it be nice in relationships to have references.  Just because a job (or relationship in this case) didn’t work out doesn’t mean that you’re not right for another position (person).

That reminds me, while at Eric’s place I was talking about all of this and relationship or sexual references, and he told me about the Queens of Comedy.  So we watched part of it the other night, Hilarious!  She’s talking about medication and the scary list of side effects, and how men should come with side effects…. A hot man walks in, you’re thinking.. mmm and suddenly you see his motha fucking side effects.  He’s gonna jack up your credit, sleep with two or three of your girls, and smack you around a bit.  Shit.   😀  I must find a link so you can watch it, but every time I see a hot dude I hear her voice saying “His motha fucking side effects!”

So I guess the whole point of this, is I want people to be real, be who and what you are damn it.  And even if you’re not learn to recognize the real people, yeah we all need to modify our behaviour for different circumstances.  That’s cool, but not so much that when you really get to know us we’re completely alternate people.  I’m all real, and it only gets better from here :).

Is it silly that hope that someone is going to appreciate that I’m not fake and I don’t play the games.. I’m sure there must be some guys out there that would appreciate that.  Am I wrong?

What do you guys think of this topic?  What’s with the fake chicks?  Why do people not want someone real?  Or do you just think there are no real people out there?



11 responses

31 07 2009

Awesome clip. “I’m fo’ real!”

31 07 2009

yeah you are… 🙂 heh side effects

31 07 2009

Word. I swear you and I share the same brain a lot of the time. This issue bothers me, because I too consider myself “a real girl” and don’t front when I meet people. Because honestly, who wants to be with a guy who fell for someone that isn’t the real you? It’s disturbing how many of my guy friends have and have had heinous girlfriends… and how many ridiculous bitches you see with decent guys. I can never fathom how they come to be, but your conclusions (and discussion with Jordy) is basically what I have come up with as well.

The thing is, I’m starting to believe there are a lot of fake people out there. I have dated guys who were unbelievably incredible and who then seemed to have an asshole switch. At this point, they actually tend to break up with me, or do something (usually cheat) that forces me to break up with them. But what made me cautious of ever dating again is that there were no warning signs. There is almost no way to learn from your “mistakes” when you really didn’t make any. SO yes, I think a lot of people are fake, even when it comes down to friendships. Sadly, this has made me trust a very select few, and I don’t really foresee that changing because our society doesn’t seem to have a problem with people pretending to be something they’re not.

To end on a happy note, I have met an amazing guy who actually likes how “real” I am, and has no problems with my flaws and everything that I immediately put on the table. He is the first I have met to be able to put up with my lifestyle and pseudo manic-like behavior, but it does justify me maintaining that smidgeon of hope that I could find someone right for me, by being me. And now, because he is also real, and treats me well, I too get to do all the cute girlfriendy things 🙂 Too bad we just have to sift through a lot of shit to find someone that doesn’t want some phony little bitch.

31 07 2009

omigod exactly… do these guys really like the phony little bitches?

You’re not the only one i know who has found a keeper, but there seems to be a lot of sifting. I just wish we could all just be honest and know what we’re getting into.

Thanks for your awesome comment!

31 07 2009

It’s true, you have to do a lot of sifting to find the ones that are real and want real women. I won’t tell you how many I sifted through, but I figure I earned my husband!

What you are describing in the way a relationship stays happy is nicely summed up in one book that should be everyones relationship manual. Dr. Laura’s “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands”. I read it then handed it to my husband and asked him to highlight the areas he felt I could improve upon. He read it and handed it back with no highlights, stating that I did everything that made him happy. We have an amazing give and take relationship and NEVER FIGHT. Ever. My kids tell me it’s actually kind of creepy, LOL.

You will find him. But I think you need to be in the right country…

31 07 2009

I read and liked that book a lot, loads of people think it’s sexist.. but I disagree. I think there was a lot of interesting and insightful ideas in the book. 🙂 yes.. but where oh where are these dear fellows hiding? under which rock.. I insist on a map… fuck it I’m just going to sit here.. they need to find me.

31 07 2009

Hehe. I agree completely with all this, and it is irritating. I’m surprised I ever even met my guy, because I loathe most ppl for this shit, not just girls. The only thing you can do is be who you are, and hope that someone sees and appreciates the real you.

I think Jordy’s opinion is a little simple, in that, if the guy didn’t want to be in that relationship, then he wouldn’t be…. just as a girl if she didn’t want to be in a shit relationship. I know many girls who have stuck out crap relationships even though they were crap because they felt that they were getting something out of it. You don’t want to be with a guy like that anyway… because no matter how “nice/sweet/caring” he seems, there is something going on under the surface that is making him attracted to the “bitch”.

Keep your eyes peeled for someone who also has their eyes open 🙂 Happy hunting.

1 08 2009

There is also something to consider here Mags. You’re a woman. You know what you want, who you are, and when somebody asks you how they can please you, you tell them.

You’re a grown up.

So you shouldn’t be dealing with, “guys” anymore. Fuck guys. Guys are people who are still stuck in that in-between-boy-and-man stage. Most guys never get out of it. In fact most people never figure out what will make them happy or what they want from, or give to, life.

The kind of behavior that you’re describing, and I’ve seen for myself(incredibly loyal, fiercely passionate, and unapologetic)*, is the kind of thing all men want.

The truth is, they just aren’t ready for you yet. 😉

*smokin’ hot too

1 08 2009

😀 thanks Dave! lol I had no idea you read this!! hugs!

1 08 2009

Oh and, those guys with those shitty whore bitches. They hate themselves. You know how many of those guys have nothing good to say about those girls when they aren’t around?

All of them. They’re either masochists, or idiots.

Fuck ’em.

1 08 2009


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