Cant sleep.. so I’ll type in the dark

29 07 2008

I can’t sleep and I had  a random thought.  

I just received and Email from someone very close to me and of course they addressed me as Magda in the message.   And it was momentarily very strange for me… like .. who .. oh yes that’s me now…  And I thought for a moment.. what else would they call me?  This is the only identity that they have ever known me as… even my closest friends and family call me Magda.. no one calls me Maggie.  Not even because I forbade it I didn’t if that is how you know me I have no right to take that away from you… (Erica will always be Erica to me.  I like her new name, Shola, I may even use it.. but she is always my wacky and wonderful sister, who drove me nuts and I wanted to crack in the head as much as I wanted to hug her.. speaking of I miss her :). )    And then I though .. so do they know me? I mean truly know me? Does anyone?  Do I … ?

   I changed my name just before my 19th birthday that means that I have use Magda for just over ten years now… then why does it still seem strange sometimes?  I’ll admit that the frequency with which I notice it and feel odd about the usage of my new name is few and far between these days… like years apart.   But part of me is fascinated by it… will I ever be totally used to it?  I mean I can’t hardly go back to my old name… for starters I hate the damn thing… Maggie… sounds like a bad word to me.  And also it is so alien and foreign to me… I don’t even react anymore when I hear it.. not even to cringe.   It’s weird to think that for 2/3rds of my life I went by one title one identity and then poof I just changed it.   What’s in a name?  Nothing? Everything?  Is it all in my your and everyone else’s heads?  “A rose by any other name smells just as sweet… ”  Does it.. does it really, are you so sure?  Perhaps it smells as sweet… but does it looks as nice, does it bring the same thought and emotional responses?  I don’t think it does, I believe there is a lot tied up in the names that we know for people and things.  That said why did I change my name…. did I create something new?  I know that was part of the purpose, but in that respect I have changed many more things recently I have grown and evolved… does that mean time for a new name? 

Jsut pondering… and being a weirdo in the dark .. I usually never voice this little mental rambles but I thought it might be fun today… maybe it will make me sleepy 😉

I’m not changing my name for anyone who read this and thought ‘shit not again’  Magda is a smart beautiful and lovely name for a woman having all of those attributes… if anything it’s about time I lived up to the name I chose… instead of just hoping ‘wearing it’ would bring it to me.

Welcome to the mind of me. 🙂

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15 responses

29 07 2008
kat_lady

I had a Great-Aunt Magda, who was a very important part of my life for many years. So your name bring memories of her to mind. I like it.

29 07 2008
anonymous

I grew up being Becky all the time, only when I got in shit did I get Rebecca or Rebecca Lynn. When I moved here I started to introduce myself as Rebecca to differentiate friends and work stuff, only my close friends call me Becky, everyone else knows me as Rebecca, sometimes it is weird to. I get where you are coming from, but i think even when we were growing up it wasnt so much Maggie that remeber calling you I think we were at Mag for the most part. Any way we call you, I love you, and your an amazing person, if you only knew how high I have placed you on my pedisal!!

Lots of loves and hugs
Becky

29 07 2008
fiestyray

So… Maggie? Was that still short for the same thing as Magda? Did you just change that, or was there some legal changing? Since we didn’t meet until we were 20, I had no idea. But really, we could change out names all the time, with how often we change ourselves, couldn’t we? We are constantly evolving and changing. Becoming better people. Learning from our mistakes, and figuring out what we want…

Ok, now I am rambling. And I second Becky… whatever you call yourself, I love you. Although you are too damn far away and I really miss you.
Hugs
Ray

30 07 2008
magdalicious

See, there is so much more to name than just the name itself.. like all your past experiences that colour your perceptions 🙂

30 07 2008
magdalicious

Yeah those that are/were REALLY close often called me Mag anyway… perhaps it’s due to those who were close back to me back then and saw how Maggie was the name everyone who was mean used so those who cared kinda wanted to use something else. 🙂 so Thus the MAg

30 07 2008
magdalicious

Yeah my legal first name has always been the same, I did change my last name legally but just from a name that was legal but no one knew it.

It was all a little before your time ;). thanks hun I miss you too.. I still think it’s your turn 😉

31 07 2008
anonymous

Hi Dave from Miltown Klan here. You it’s weird to come across something lie that. Everyone calls me Dave. I’ve not come across anyone who uses my full name since I don’t know when.

31 07 2008
magdalicious

🙂 Cool to know I’m not the only one 😀

1 08 2008
anonymous

I love your name you where named for your grandmothers favored sister. My Tunta Lanie tunta is aunt in dutch. Your grandma always said she was a classy lady and that is why i named you after her. When you where little you would not answer to any thing but Maggie or Meg. I want to call you lane as the short form of your real name I all so thought it was a neet thing to be named for a reformed prostitute as well…..lol…. an inside joke for those of us that know her full name. mommy loves you babe!!!!
mag’s mommy

18 08 2008
silverblu

Sometimes I still think of you as Maggie – when I’m thinking of our fun times in school growing up together. Fond memories! But when did you change your last name?

18 08 2008
magdalicious

My last name was peebles until I was 16, legally. But no one knew it (including me untill I was 14 and got my SIN card), part of the process of hiding my from my dad and the kidnapping threats.

Yeah not all the memories associated with Maggie are bad (for me) but many are :P. Thanks for reminding me of some good ones 🙂

18 08 2008
anonymous

ha ha 🙂

23 08 2008
anonymous

Kidnapping?

23 08 2008
magdalicious

good times

23 08 2008
anonymous

What the Seven Dwarfs kidnapped you? Mmmmm that could be a funtime! Hi Dave from miltown Klan here!

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