The email

7 03 2006

From: Magdalicious
To: “Lindsay loo”
Subject: doooooooooooooooooode
Date: Mon, 6 Mar 2006 22:38:54 +0800

hey 😦 are you back and just not talkin to me?

bummer 😥
mags

————————————————- this is what she wrote to me

There is no nice way to say this…but you are pushing me away with the incessant calls and messages. Yes, I am back. I was sleeping yesterday, and today I was busy, I saw your call but didn’t want to talk at that moment. You left a message, I got it, I would have called you when I was ready to talk, and that time hasn’t come yet. And seriously, joke or not, no one likes a threats to be stalked. It’s too much.

I want to say I’m a deeply sorry for not controlling our friendship. I let it get out of hand. Before I left I had reached a point where I was so out of touch with who I was and what I felt, that I was just letting myself be blown about, never saying how I felt, never taking a stand, ignoring my heart and sacrificing my own voice to please others. This is no one else’s fault but my own.

Being home with my family and friends was so awesome. I felt so at ease and loved that the real me came out again, the voice in my heart was clearer and easier to hear. I had lost the plot in Taiwan; so many things distracted me that I lost sight of why I was there, my hopes, my intentions.

When I left the airport in Vancouver to come back I was heartbroken. I do not want to be here, but I came back to face my challenges instead of running away. My biggest challenge coming back is to have the strength to just be myself, to not deny the voice in my heart anymore, to not be pushed, persuaded, or pressured. To take a stand and ignore the distractions here and to focus on myself inwardly. I’m so thankful to be able to hear that voice again, I do not want to loose it, I don’t want it muffled, or to ignore it.

The fact of the matter is that I feel I cannot do this when I am around you. You have a strong voice, and it overpowers mine. I thought long and hard about how to back the friendship up, back to a place that would be more casual, but I just don’t feel it’s possible. I’m deeply sorry for hurting you; there was no nice way to say all this. The only way to avoid hurting you would have been to pretend all was well…and I am not going to do that anymore.
Sincerely, Lindsay

————————————————-

the stalker thing was I called her on skype and then sent her a message on skype saying and i quote “HELLLLOLOOOOO, don’t make me stalk you, ha ha”…

this is what I wrote back
“while perhaps a bad one that was clearly a joke.. I’m sorry you feel that way. i thought you were my friend
i apologize for being mistaken. I won’t bother you anymore.

glad you are happier.”

… Someone told me she was never really my friend, 😦 I guess they were right. It’s too bad.

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One response

8 03 2006
lil_razzberry

dude, this sucks. I am really sorry. Telling you that you are better off without her is pointless, since I know that especially when you live in a foreign country, friends are like gold! Just think, you will be in Brazil soon, and she will still be her lame ass self in Taipei

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