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Harumph

Alright, I have some bitching to do.. some shit I want to get off my chest and complain about.  Now before I start, let me begin with a couple of little disclaimers.  One, if you want to give me the little speech about how complaining and whinging is detrimental to my mental health yadda yadda… don’t.  Shut up.  I enjoy a good bitch, so nayyyayayay.  Two, if you’re about to say something along the lines of ‘you complain a lot” …. seriously?  Are you new here?  I’m 33 years old, no shit sherlock, I’m not changing now .    Three, no one is forcing you to read this, and if you’re honest you like someone elses woes.. because lets face it.. it’s amusing damn it >

ON WITH THE BITCHING

Well one.. my mouse is a cunt, I hate it.. and I want to smash it.  That is all on that right now.

I went to  get my hair cut, because it’s so dry I think it’s going to crumble off my head.  It’s getting hard to wash and comb out bc it’s so damaged and dry on the ends.  I tried to get Regis to take me to a place, because I’m all nervous about it.. but he wouldn’t (which really irritated me, yes I know I could do it myself but I want you to come and help just in case, I never told him no when he wanted help).  Anyway I finally got frustrated and went by myself at 150pm.. and of course.. IT’S FUCKING CLOSED for lunch.  le sigh.  They open at 2, not the end of the world, but irritating and all I could thing is how does anyone make any damn money here?  Nothing is open.. well I worked that out when I got the bill.  The sign says 16 Euros for a cut.. and has the word shampoo above it.  How foolish of me to think anything was included…  I get the bill… I was charge 16 euros for a basic trim, 4.50 for the shampooing, 4.50 for the conditioner (that’s right it’s not included).  And when she offered to blow dry my hair, I was like, no it’s not necissary just toss a little product in it and let it air dry.  Idiot… she charged me 3.50 for mousse… which she didn’t even use much of… SERIOUSLY???  It’s like 5 minutes from my house, I so could and would have washed my hair at home and tossed a little gel in it when I got back… all of that cost me  (these little extras, that to me are normally included or at least clearly itemized by prices BEFORE you do it) 12.50 euros… That’s $16.30 CAD just for shampoo, conditioner and a bit of mousse… in total I spend 28.50 euros… for like 30 mins and a wee trim which would have been fine if the fucking sign didn’t say 16. GR

Driving.. one of the only things Regis and I fight about.  Sometimes, usually when I’m driving bc he’s been drinking, I’m the best driver ever.  Then sometimes he’s all nag nag trying to teach me better ways to drive. Now it’s not that I don’t think he can’t teach me, I am certain he can tell me lots about driving… but it’s the way he goes about it that drives me bananas.  The worst was the whole right of way rules in France.  Now, he didn’t explain this clearly and it caused a few frustrated spats, but in the end I worked it out.

And it’s fucking RETARDED.  So this is what I’ve finally worked out, when you’re driving down a road, and there is an intersection (not a four way stop mind you) any road coming onto your road…. if they are on your right.. they have the right of way, unless they have a big white stop line before the crosswalk.  Which you can’t see until you’re basically parallel to the road.  RIGHT… the right of way is based on the marking on the OTHER road… that you either have to memorize, or just drive like someone’s grandma checking for stop lines.  You don’t have to stop, so I suppose they save on stop signs and paint lines… (shakes head)

This is seriously the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard of.. what it means is technically if they want to, people coming out of side roads (as long as they are taking a right) can just shoot out into the road.  Because they have the right of way.  O.O The idea….  get this, is to keep people from on the straight roads from going too fast.  ….. really?  How about stop lines.. and if I have a stop line I stop.. novel idea.  They made this rule so you never know who is coming from where so you have to drive slower or potentially die… really.. this seems like a good idea?  TO WHO???

Speed signs… this is a fucking charmer… sometimes they post the speed limit, sometimes they don’t.  The limit could be 130km/hr on the highway or 110, or 90… sometimes it’s marked sometimes you get to guess.  On the not highways.. the roads are all two way.. even though they are usually one narrow lane wide.  The limit?  Well it is usually 90 (suicide on these roads) but it might be 70, or 50, it might be labeled.. it might not.. GUESS. So it’s probably pretty clear in town right?  Wrong.   Next to town it might might 70, might be 50, in town itself it might be 50 it might be 30.  It’s usually fine, I can usually suss it out because there is a certain logic to the speeds… but still Invest in a fucking sign…

Ok rant done.. tralala gonna go for a walk

 

Because no one is online… and I’m sulking

sigh everyone is either sleeping or working..

So I’m having one of those days… I went to the store to pick up stuff for dinner, and ended up rushing to two store looking for something Regis wanted (know how many times he’s asked for something, other than beer? This one time.. and of course I can’t find it.  Sigh… He’s like don’t worry about it, but of course I am bummed.  (Yes I know it’s stupid… I’m stupid like that… if anyone asks for something I usually turn myself inside out trying to get it to them.

Anyway, So I got a pork roast some apples etc.. adapted this recipe online with apple cider and stuffs.  big plans… Started with some bruschetta… which was pretty damn good actually.. and good thing as it turned out or we might have starved to death.

I put the roast in the oven… for .. 30 minutes… and the damn thing is pretty much raw when I pull it out to check on it… gah … What have I done wrong??? I have no idea.. so I toss the bitch back in… an hour later it’s looking good.. so I cut into it.. and it’s pink.. like TOTALLY pink.. FUCK.. Now I don’t have a proper roasting pan (and no I’ve never made a pork roast before) so I had used tin foil to cover it.. works a charm with the turkey in Taiwan and that’s in my little ghetto oven.  This is a big bad ass oven…

So I dunno.. 40 some minutes later.. it’s STILL not done.. WTF.. it’s mostly done.. but still a little pinker than either of us though was acceptable… GRRR  So we slice it.. and put the slices back in the oven while I quickly do the stove veg and make the gravy.

Meanwhile in all the pulling it out looking at it.. using a spoon to put some cider/water/juice on it so it doesn’t dry out… I have burned myself.. oh at least 3-4 times on this thing in the oven whose only reason for existing that I can see is getting in my way and burning me.  Grumble.

At this point I’m so frustrated I could cry… I mean who can’t cook a damn pork roast… sure I’ve never done it before.. but I haven’t done lots of things before.. and I’ve made roasts for fucksakes… GAH

So I;m pouting and Regis is starving.. and we’re chatting about it.. and how I can’t understand what happened… and I tell him I covered it, because I don’t have a proper roasting pan.. and he’s like… you covered it? HAHAHAHAHA Well that’s what went wrong, mystery solved.

.. Um care to share there princess?  Because when you cover something it traps the heat and it cooks faster… so I fail to see what is funny.. or what the hell you’re talking about.  And he points out it’s a convection oven… um.. ok (having never used one.. and growing increasing UNfond of the fucking thing) So what… heat is heat… No seems that if you cover something in the convection over.. it just never cooks because it doesn’t actually get THAT hot but it blows the hot air around. >.< face palm.. Mind you I LOOKED online about how to cook a roast in a convection oven and NO ONE mentioned that little fucking gem.

We finally have dinner and of course my entire self esteem is resting on this stupid meal because I invested so much damn time into it.. effort and fugging burned my hands.. grumble.  And he’s like yeah it’s fine.  I swear I almost burst into tears… YES I know I’m being a big child, and I get way too invested in these things.  Sulk.

And when I got online to try to call or chat … I realized everyone is working or sleeping… SIGH.  And my mouse is all borked… No I don’t have any real problems… shutty.

Miss everyone

Living together

You know, for the first time living with someone, things are really good. Sure we get under each others skin from time to time, and the stress of life makes us grouchy and unreasonable occasionally. But all in all, not the horror fest I’d imagined cohabitation would be.

And really if you think about it, the whole thing is rather astonishing. From “well hey thanks for the sex” to ” uh hi, you know you didn’t need to call” to twitterpated to well, this. Mostly living together in the ‘wan and really living together here. And trying to figure out how we’re gonna make it work after June..

Anyway I was just kinda pondering that…

Oh and ps it drives him. Bonkers that I often leave the toilet light on… But it’s so not my fault the room is a vault once the door is closed if you forgot to turn the light off you’d never know till you went back in.. And the light switches flick the wrong way.. Drives me nuts, I’m constantly leaving rooms and auto turning off the light which turns it on here.

Easter Weekend

This weekend was Easter, which means lots of brightly coloured fun chocolates in the store and me mildly pouting and reminiscing about Easter egg hunts which I no longer get to participate in.  So on Sat, Regis is like ‘ok I’m only telling you this once, so you’d best remember’  obnoxious as that was, at least he gave me a heads up for the plans this weekend.  Seems we have learned from the folly of not informing me and then getting mad pissy at me bc I’m not ready.  Cue the eyeroll.

So on Saturday afternoon we played a game of Karnaxis, that Regis lost with a resounding thud. Lol Which was very amusing because he trounced me the day before.  I’d go into details but most have you have never played never mind heard of the game and the details would only be interesting if you knew about it.  Then we were supposed to head to Caen to pick up Regis’s brother’s brother (this is very common here and makes my life of my brother and sister who not related to each other at all less weird) and check out some information about playing paintball.  But I didn’t want to go, so I chilled at home, went for a run, and got ready.

When they got back from Caen, we headed over to Samuel and Chloe’s house (Regis’s Brother and sister in law), for a birthday dinner for her older daughter.  Chloe went all out and made all kinds of yummy special things for dinner, we started with something that basically translates to amusing your mouth, it was chopped peppers, avocado crème fresh and some other things.  Then we had two huge trays of escargots, which we pretty much demolished in 4.5 seconds, lol it was a friendly flight over the snails.. Regis, the cunt, kept trading his empty shells for my full ones.  Then we had sweet potatoes, baked apples and some cut of duck with a special sauce.  Which was fricken delicious. Followed by (notice the correct order of the foods… don’t mess with the order) some more booze (duh) followed by an apple tart thing.  Yum.   There was much drinking, food and revelry, but I got tired and bowed out at … 3 ish.. music still booming.  So I’m in the guest (almost like a hostel) room with the other brother .. and I started to write for my blog.. and he’s like.. HEY QUIT  TYPING I’m trying to sleep.  Uh ok. It’s not like it’s loud.. unlike the music (not a complaint I just thought it was ironic that the tapping of keys was disturbing his sleep) and then.. lol he proceeded to store like a frickin train.  Can I yell at you now?  neener… ha he saw I posted online snicker.  I finally fell out, only to be woken, by my wasted boyfriend, who was kind cute and cuddly even though he was trashed.

Of course, I woke early and couldn’t sleep due to light, alcohol consumption, and captain snores.. I couldn’t sleep.  So I went downstairs, read on the couch and fell asleep but woke up again when Chloe got up to take her daughter to the train station. I gave up, got up and washed the dishes (why not…lol) .  As soon as the troops got up, we had to go ever to Regis’s mom’s place for lunch, which was also nice, and in the correct food order .  But near the end of lunch, I was on the verge of just falling out at the table.  Regis told me I could take a nap in the other room, so I missed the end of the gathering and everyone leaving.  Regis ended up coming in and napping with me, and I woke up around 5/6, yay the dessert I had missed was waiting for me.  Yum, Chocolate mousse with fruit in it.  Then we had to rush home to have quick showers and get ready to go to his friend’s house for a bbq.

We headed over to his friend’s house (who is actually quite a nice guy, and he has a really nice place) had some more drinks… ok I had some, they had a shit ton..  Note we got there… mmm round 7 ish.. at 11… I mentioned most bbqs that I go to have food at some point.. lol.  The boys were like, snap lets fire up the grill.  Nothing like whiskey to make the boys forget the food, chuckle.  Then there was some major drama, one guy and his girlfriend got in this massive fight.  Which I completely missed, because I was on my computer in the other room.  Wait hang on, rewind, I am doing this 30 day challenge, and I hadn’t been able to go work out, so I went out at 930 for a brisk (terrifying) walk in the dark.  After which, I got really bored because only one girl would talk to me (and not that much, and she was the one with the big fight so she disappeared) the other two barely acknowledged my existence.  Which wasn’t that big of a deal, but as the guys were all drunkenly yelling at each other and I couldn’t keep up with them, I was kinda bored.  Which is why I brought my computer, bc I’m not a retard, lol.  So instead of sulking I just went played with my computer, Regis or Fabian (his nice friend) would come check on me, but I was fine.  I would come back join them, get bored, and wander off again.  One girl, was so snotty I kinda wanted to slap her.  Every time I would say anything (in French) she would say to everyone else.. what what what did she say, I can’t understand her.. even though I could clearly understand what she was saying.  Grr.  And everyone else, had no issue understanding me, even the guys were like.. dude she obviously said ‘xyz’.  We finally had dinner at 130 am… the one girl has completely disappeared, the guy is now back.. the other girls are out looking for the one chick.  Then they come back and are super pissy because, the guys ate all the sausages (what did you think the drunk dudes were going to do while you were out ???) then the one girl got super mad bc the boys were rough housing with her dog.

Anyway, needless to say I retreated again, watched some TV and fell asleep on the sofa.  The snotty girl went home, the other chick went to bed.. and I watched tv and half fell out on the sofa.  Then Regis came and poked me to go home, we got in at 5/6am … up again in the morning to take his son over to Samuel’s house for lunch and an Easter egg hunt for the kids (lol hence my pouting, though Chloe scooped some chocolate for me).

I fell out on the couch after lunch, with the cat on my head, lol.  And then I wrote this bad boy, while the others sat about and chit chatted. J There you go, that was my weekend.. and .. there is a very serious threat of reconnecting my internet tomorrow, the technician is supposed to be over at 9 am tomorrow.   I may sleep until then.. zzzz

It’s so obvious that you’re an only child

You totally have only child syndrome. Why? Why is it obvious?  Actually, I have a brother and a couple of sisters, though I wasn’t raised with them.  I’ve always thought that this psychoanalysis of my personality was annoying and rude, but I never really bothered to look into it.  Well now I find it even more obnoxious, because neither have any of the people who fucking say it to me clearly.  It’s just something that they think they know about but clearly are just spouting out of their asses.  Making assumptions based on my personality traits, in no way taking into consideration my upbringing or family.

Sure I exhibit some of the traits of an only child, I was raised alone.. but at the same time in crucial points in my development I was living with other kids, my cousins for example.

 

So what has gotten bug in my ass about this now?  It’s not like people are coming up to me right now and making these asinine statements or at least not with any kind of regularity.  Well for one, I work with kids of all ages and have for about 10 years, so I’m going to go right ahead and say I feel pretty confident of the insight into kids behavior I have acquired over the years.  And plus, I’m part time living with a 2 year old ( not the most charming of creatures most of the time) who is an only child, and a wee bit spoiled (mom and grandma dote ).  Of course you have to factor in that he is only two… and some of that ‘charm’ is just the delights of the age… and truth be told, over all he’s a pretty nice kid.

 

So on to only children… I took this from an article online “Many of the negative attitudes towards only children are based on the following view that only children are:

• Over indulged
• Require constant attention
• Are selfish – and put their needs first
• Expect their needs to be instantly gratified
• Fear independence and leaving home
• Can’t empathize with others as their world revolves around themselves – in psychological terms narcissistic.

 

The Only Children I’ve known have all pretty much matched the clichés about children who had no siblings. Spoiled, bratty, self-centred, selfish, an odd sense of entitlement, difficult to get along with plus a tendency to say inappropriate things that are rude and ill-mannered. Yet being extremely hyper-sensitive and brittle about even the most remotely critical remark going in their direction.

 

Seriously… and people refer to me as having only child syndrome.. have they met me?

 

Over indulged… hardly, I learned from a young age that you can’t have everything because you can’t afford it.  I earned my own money even as a little kid, I never had an allowance, I was paid for specific tasks that were my jobs.  I didn’t work, I didn’t get shit.

 

Require constant attention… ok.. well you’ve got me there I am an attention whore.. but so is my sister and my nephew, neither of whom were raised as only children… I’m calling in genetics and the common demominator here… Hell even if mom claims it skipped her.. My grandma.. champion attention whore.. my aunt, my uncle.. terrible.. a thousand times worse than me … none of them only children.  So I’m going to have to call that a family trait.

 

Selfish… sure .. now.  I’ve been working on being selfish and taking care of myself first for years, and I still kind of suck at it.  I care about my people, and I would go to the moon and back to help them if I could.  I wrote a huge email to a friend of mine about learning to be selfish as an armor, a way to protect yourself from the hurts because no one else is going to look out for you, not before themselves.  So.. going to say no there too.

 

Expect their needs instantly gratified… ok sure.  But, lol honestly? In this day and age.. you show me someone that doesn’t apply to and I’ll show you a Tibetan monk or something of the like.  EVERYONE these days is ridiculous about the instant gratification…. Think it doesn’t apply to you? When did you last check, your facebook/email/phone for replies to things …. Mmmmhmmm that’s what I thought.  I don’t even know that it’s all that bad.. I mean especially for those of is overseas…. Facebook and the like are how we keep in touch and connected to those far away from us.  (speaking from recent experience, I never realized how hard it is being so far from family and friends when you can’t easily contact them).

 

Fear independence and leaving home… I’m just going to shake my head and chuckle here.

 

Can’t empathize with others… right.  Common complaint about me.. oh wait no.  Meanwhile I’m all teary bc people around me are sad or stressed, but I lack empathy.. eye roll.  I wish (sometimes)

 

I will admit my feelings are pretty easily hurt and it might be a symptom of being an only child, but I personally think it has more to do with the peer abuse I took all through my school years.  That left some ugly scars that still come out to bite me from time to time even today.

 

Interestingly, another thing I read said ”  ”People articulate that only children are spoiled, they’re aggressive, they’re bossy, they’re lonely, they’re maladjusted,” she said. “There have been hundreds and hundreds of research studies that show that only children are no different from their peers.”^[8] Similarly, a popular belief is held that only children have aversive social skills, and therefore a harder time making friends. Based on a 2004 study of American middle and high school students, such beliefs were confirmed false.”

 

NAH…. Take that.

 

The thing that really got my goat, was that the one thing that most people use as their clinching proof that I am maladjusted because I was raised as an only child.  Is never mentioned, in any of the studies or articles I read (ok some I just skimmed but still).  What is this illustrious issue?  The fact that I really don’t like other people messing with my shit.  Turns out, and I’ve always said this, that has nothing to do with it.  It’s like mentioning the price of tea in china as evidence as to why my shoes are dirty.  What the fuck.  Dumb asses.  You want to know why I am so possessive of wait for it… my possessions?  Well one, their fucking mine and I value them, probably because they were either a gift or I worked hard to get them.  And two, I was raised that way.  When I was a wee little kid, my mom taught me, this is mine that is yours.  If it’s not yours, don’t touch it without asking.  Even now, I feel a little stab of guilt if I touch anything of someone’s without express permission even if I KNOW they don’t mind and I’m completely allowed.  And if they are there, I’ll probably ask again, just in case.  It’s not that I’m not willing to share, I’d let almost anyone use or share almost anything of mine, as long as they asked nicely… but don’t waltz into my room and just take it.  And then when I’m like.. dude what the fuck.. don’t pull that only child bullshit out.  Hell I think having siblings and being forced to fucking share EVERYTHING makes you way more MINE MINE MINE than being an only child does.

 

In conclusion, people are stupid.  That is all.    ß– lol that last line .. completely made my day.

House of Cards.

It’s the stupidest thing, but I completely fell apart this evening.  After the frustration over the kid (who is must have some survival sense and is being quite nice), money, no internet at all, not even the ghetto phone stealing internet, problems with my credit card (which I now don’t have at all.. I have to wait 2-4 days for them to courier a new one to me), nothing ever open, and the stress of the future of my relationship (I’m trying hard to cross that bridge when I come to it, but people keep pointing and saying look at that.. whatcha going to do about that… jesus.. leave it).  I still managed to hold it all together, other than a little teary moment at his mom’s house.  We went over there to use the internet to pay the SFR bill to get everything connected, and as I mentioned in my last post their stupid website wouldn’t accept his, my or his mom’s card.  Which is completely insane, as all three cards work everywhere else. 

 

So what’s the straw that broke the camel’s back?  What is it that had me sobbing for hours, completely inconsolable? It’s so fucking retarded that I’m embarrassed all to hell… but it was my iPod.  Just as we were leaving his mom’s house, the stupid thing slipped out of my pocket ( I was sitting in a low chair) and hit the ground.. I thought nothing of it as it only dropped about a foot… maybe a little more but not by much.  I’ve dropped the thing a million times.. always my heart in my throat and nothing it’s fine… Well today had to be the day… you know the only day that I couldn’t handle any more bad news.  The fucking thing smashed all to shit.  One corner is completely fucked and there are shatter and spider lines over more than a 1/3 of the screen.  The only thing holding it all together and keeping tiny shards of glass from falling all over and slicing me to bits is the screen protector sticker thingies.

 

Now in the grand scheme of things.. it totally sucks, but it’s really not that big of a deal… it’s going to cost me some coin to get the glass replaced and that hurts.  But it’s not like it’s gone, or actually broken.  Honestly it’s fine, everything works.. it’s just the glass is broken and it looks ghetto.  (if not for the plastic cover it would be dangerous and slice the fuck out of my hand.. but even that’s not a problem).  But seriously, I have no internet, and I read… I dunno, like a book every day or two.  And now the screen is all smashed so reading sucks.  Plus.. I hate it when my things are jacked.  I get completely heartbroken every time I look at it, but I don’t really have anything else to look at.  Talk about a cycle of poo.  Then every time I look at it, I feel like crap (which is clearly just the outlet for all my other stress and stuff) but I think “hey buck up, it’s not that big of a deal” then I wonder how much it’ll cost to fix.  Because knowing the details makes me feel like I can handle things, but then I realize I can’t look it up online or contact apple to find out.  Then I think, well I could just call… oh no.. I can’t even call a friend to cheer myself up…. Downward spiral.  I give myself a little mental slap, blow my nose, pick up my iPod to read my book…cue beginning of the spiral again.  I was such a wreck that Regis tried to comfort me, but you know how that goes.. you’re falling apart, someone is kind and you lose it even more.  Lol

So he took my iPod away from me, so I’d stop looking at it.  That helped me distance myself from how silly I was being.  Then I went for a walk, because I’d left it too late to go for a run, and I really wasn’t feeling up to it but according to my challenge I need to do something.  Actually it was good, I feel a lot better now.

 

But man, today has just not been my day… it’s only 830 and I kind of want to cut my losses and just go to bed….  Tomorrow will be a new day, a better day.  Even if I have to beat the day all the hell and force it to be .. it’ll do my bidding and be good, damnit.

 

Now if only I could post this bad boy.. but I can’t.. sigh.